Tag: dark comedy

Seth Rogan…Paper Airplanes by M.I.A is the song that perfectly illustrates him and his movies

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Holy shit…the song came to me as I was looking for a song for the day but the song is so mother fucking nutball crazy it makes Weird science seem sane.

First time I saw the trailer for Pineapple Express the song hocked me and not for a good reason. It’s like a brain fart coming out of someone elses mind and filling your head with a weird feeling of money and unicorns that fart out rainbows.

I thought about Seth Rogan then and all his weird nut ball movies. They all have that weird feeling of being high and the fucking pounding headache the day after and feeling of why did I smoke see that shit…that shit movie.

(I’m stone cold sober by the way. I never smoked weed. Really I never have.)

Anyway, what the fuck was my point?

Seth Rogan! Yeah. How the fuck did ever get famous??

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Cyberpunk morning…brainstorming session

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Setting cyberpunk 2084. Eddie Williams Rockerboy (Bard) has a problem and needs a runner to help him out of a jam.

Prologue

You need a Runner?

I stared at the message on dashboard of my hover bike.  Eddie Rocker Boy Williams needed a Burma burger in ten minutes or less. Two part job.

I hit the confirm order on my touch pad and got the order. Holy shit!

The street light turned green and I leaned forward and sped down the street. I pulled up on one wheel and hit the turbo launching my bike into the skyway. I muscled my way into traffic and got flipped off by a soccer mom in a blue van.

I returned the jester before I took a turn and dived down in a spot by the Burma burger shop. I got hunks and cursed out but I ignored them as I sent my order in on my phone while in line.

I got to the front in five minutes. I needed to haul ass. There was a pretty girl with my order and a detapad out for me to put my bank card on. I reached out and put my bank information in by hand.

You never knew what asshole hacker was just waiting to get a easy scan of your card number. I grabbed the bag and gave the girl a kiss on the lips as she leaned out the window.

I was off and made to Eddie’s studio. Rocker Boy Inc.

I parked on street level and Eddie was standing outside waiting with Gino Fish the Drummer for his band beside him.

Eddie had long silver blue hair, dressed in a jean jacket and jeans with boots on. He eyed me and his old time piece watch on his wrist.

“Your pretty fast, Slick. You must be banging some Chicka at Burma.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I am. I got your burger. What’s your second parter?”

“My what?” He asked.

“Your ordered a two part job. The burger is the first part what’s the second?” I asked and handed him the takeout bag.

Eddie took the bag got the burger out and handed it to Gino. Gino took the burger in his massive hand and took a bite and smiled and nodded to me. His jade eyes danced with delight.

“goddamn son. That shit is warm and good.” He said and threw me a detapad.

I caught it and put it in my messenger bag. “Is it a drop off then?”

Gino shook his head cewing on his burger. “Drop off and pickup. You drop off the pad and pick up a girl.”

I stared at him. “Your girl or Eddie’s girl?”

Gino stared at me. “My girl. I got a picture-“

I shook my head. “I know what your old lady looks like. I’m a fan.” I said.

Gino rolled his eyes. “How big of a fan? Enough to try and fuck her?”

I snorted. “Enough to know you would know and kill me. I got a girl and your lady is old enough to be my mother.”

Gino frowned and stared at me. “How old are you slick?”

“Eighteen.” I lied. It was a half a lie I would eighteen in two months.

“Shit.” Gino said. “Do you even know how to use a piece?”

“Yes I do and I always carry for jobs like this one. I’m good Gino. I’ll get your girl back.”

Eddie snorted. “Hot shit alive. Ain’t this some shit. Alright Slick. It’s just a simple job. We got business and shit to get down before tonight’s show. Get Gino’s girl back here in under twenty-four hours and I’ll give you a guitar of mean as a bonus.”

Holy shit. I kept my face calm. I nodded and got on my bike. A rocker’s guitar. Holy shit. I was making bank tonight.

Hmm. Damn. This is looking good.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Ladies. Let me confirm it. Men don’t give a damn you have a high paying job

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In general no exceptions. We don’t give a damn you are a high earning bitch. If your a doctor that just means you like to solve problems.

If your a nurse that means you care about people. Telling a dude your a higher earner means shit all to us or it’s a red flag that your a feminist asshole that thinks having my kids is a waste of time.

Real talk. I’m not in competition with a female. It’s me first and then other men. Any dude that tells you otherwise is a fucking liar looking for pussy or a dick addicted dude on the low.

No wait. Fuck that. A dick addicted dude is competition with other dudes of same addiction.

So no. Your career just means your not a lazy fucker and I got one less bill to pay.

Let some beta bitch simp tell me I’m ancient old fuck. Yes I am. Now shut the fuck up and make me sandwich.

Oh…happy Easter.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

The song of day? Mother fucker song of the fucking universe. Princes of the universe by QUEEN

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Mother fucker you knew this was coming but before I forget….

Rest in shit kicking glory. The man. The myth. The mustache. The fucking big dick, dick addicted Legend.

What the fuck does this song feel like? Mother fucker it is is what it is. Queen being kick ASS.

The openning holy shit. The locals. Holy shit. The music video. Holy shit.

I can’t get through the song with wanting to pick up and mother fucking sword.

It’s the fucking quickening my dude. The rush of the energy. The feel of being proud to be blessed to be a mothering MAN. The rush of the shit kicking mothering fucking attitude. Holy shit.

This shit is my shit. Fuck it. This song is song I want played on the day I take my last birth on my 200 birthday and go out a American Highlander in fire of my ancesters. My tumb stone will read. He cewed on Iron and Spat out bullets. He took no shit from no mother fucking beta bitch simp.

Have a fucking great day my dude.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

There is nothing more American then a natural distrust of the government. Oh and conservatives are pussies

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I am an American Highlander. I cew on iron and spit out bullets. This is the theme for how I roll. I naturally don’t trust the government.

Why?

You must be new here. Let me make it plain. The government. The United States of America has fucked me, my ancesters, my skin folk, my kin folk and distant cousins over more times then your average male senator from New York State has fucked a dude in short pants.

My skin folk are a forgiving folk. You give them some attention and resources and they’ll forgive a grip. They pour all their energy into hating on each other or shit kicking cowboys. It is what it is and all that bullshit.

Me. Not so much. I’m none conventional type of dude. You fuck with me and smile in my face I write your ass off and keep one eye behind me encase you feel in a need to hit up me from the back. I know how to aim and execute a right leg back-kick right to your balls my dude.

I hold no allegiance to a fucker that would rather piss on me then stop a fucking war that would take money out of my pocket and the lives of the young and poor. Fuck that noise.

I maybe under the thumb of government overlords but then again I’m not the one living in fear of real republic upring. They’re all fucking cowards living in fear of the people they fuck with on a daily basis.

I wonder what would happen if said rich and powerful overlords made a miss calculated step.

There is no two party system here. There is only us and the fuckers that live in fear of the people going to town on their collective asses. Young fools and suckers believe what they will. It’s not the power to vote you should value here. It’s the power to break my foot off in a Governor’s ass for fucking with my mind because the mask shit or fucking with my money because the goble war shit.

Oh. But seriously GOP conservative stable of hoes are what they are. Fucking sluts and asshoes that don’t know a fucking fight they haven’t run from or lifted their faces for Pimp Cocain Democrats to give them the Pimp hand on the face and ass.

Damn. It’s looking to be another lovely day here in shit kicking Texas. I hope you enjoy your Friday.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Covid Mask Theories Crept Keeper Joe’s passport to buying and selling fear and freedom.

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The fucking ride doesn’t end my friend.

It had to come and who better to sell it to beta bitch simps and fear enduced dunces then our corpse and chief Crept Keeper Joe.

The word is Crept Keeper Joe and his puppet masters behind him are hangling passports to traveling/buying/selling/fucking for you and I to have so that we can be patriotic to the mass numbers of dumbasses still shitting in fear about Covid. 

The Covid vaccine is a magical cure to the black plague of our time.

The government and shitheads in charge want me to take this shit seriously? Mother fucker stop fucking with my fucking mind and my money and open the fucking country up my dude. I’ll survive either way but don’t try to pimp me with the political bullshit. You lift your pimp hand up at me and you might find the shit blown the fuck off by my friends Colt and 1911.

Real talk. I’m a 21st century gentleman so don’t fuck with my private little world of friends and family. You can have your vaccine and delusional bullshit but don’t fuck with me. I’m not your slave your not my master.

Anyway it’s all just one more slice of shit that shitheads want to force into my focus away from dealing with real shit I got to get done.

Big brothers Apple, Google and corporate elites are pushing for the shit. Makes you wonder what’s in the shit and why they can’t let fuckers choose on their own to take it or not.

Remember this shit. Fuckers are okay with the government now that Big T is out so they’ll let them slip it in no condom or choice. Fucking to willing to accept a fucking collar and the boot.

I ain’t okay with it. It smells to much like some fucker in a suit thinking I’m his fucking slave. No thanks my dude. I don’t do that dom and slave shit game.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

The pussifying of the west didn’t start with ass ugly dudes in a dress. (Comedy!?)

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Why the fuck is it always some ass ulgy dude in a dress on a fucking magazine cover? Who the fuck is promoting ugly as the new pretty bullshit? Why in the fuck are 5’5 shorties regarded with contempt vs gorilla looking assholes with pink hair and no tits regarded as Bad bitches?

Fuck that shit though. Nobody is looking at ulgy assholes on a movie screen let alone on a magazine cover. To my real point. The west is being pussyfied by agents of ugliness and a confederacy of dunces in office and fucking beta bitch simps under the control of low tier females that might let them rub their stank feet.

Holy shit!

I can’t stand it my dude. It’s the conflict, courage and character building are bad propaganda. It’s the fake femininity is good vs male masculine is evil. It’s the you need to conform to the current fake female moral norms horseshit.

Back the fuck up and put that shit in park. Why do I need to conform to your moral codes? To your world views. To having fake female feelings is good and I need to reject pursuits of loyalty, courage and wisdom. Shockingly, I do believe in defending the good, the beautiful and the true.

Why???

Bitch, I’m a mother fucking American Highlander. I cew on Iron and I spit out bullets. I don’t have female feelings and I don’t want to fuck a female that thinks and looks like a male gorilla in a dress and no I’m not taking about dick addicted dudes.

Holy shit.

Some females give a damn and at least try to look decent. Some females..holy shit. The best thing you can say about them is at least they don’t give you any female bullshit but then that’s only if your ass is lucky.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Diary of a mad black beta bitch Roland Martin’s passive bitch speech

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Yeah so Roland Martin is a beta bitch.

I found this shit out recently when I heard him talking to a 21 year old Black Rambo trying to help his tribe in the educational department.

Look the shit up. Roland’s bitch ass got the shit up on his YouTube channel. Dumb mother fucker probably still thinks he looked solid in the video. Mother fucker was more like shit flavored green jello.

I couldn’t get through the shit video of Roland interviewing Mr. Randell about his private school for black boys and his mission to empire his tribe through education. Roland’s beta bitch ass played himself by making the interview a fucking clown show with the head clown being Roland himself. A fucking joke my dude. Had my blood boiling.

Holy shit.

It was in Roland’s voice. It’s that condescending beta bitch tone. That passive aggressive bitch speech. Can’t get along. Got to start some shit with a member from your own fucking tribe. Roland was doing a lot of talking and female bullshit spells.

Something always put me off about his no neck, no balls having bitch ass.

Now. I know what it is. It’s that beta bitch tone my dude. Just hearing him rant and rave about voting and cocain Democrats vs Stable of GOP hoes. We need to support the democratics.

Fuck out of here with that noise. All talk and no balls don’t get shit done.

Another name for a beta bitch – gamma gamma mother fucking bitch.

Beta bitch is shorter though.

Come on my dude. I never wanted to punch a dude so quickly in my life.

He’s the A typical grifting self pity beta bitch Black Rambo.

Holy shit.

I can go on but this post would turn into a book. Have a lovely day.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

A study in begging: The grifting game

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Always ask yourself this. What are they offering you? Can you hold it? Is there an element to the product that smells of ridiculous bullshit? The thing you have to remember is it’s all starts and is driven by talk.

I know black Rambos back and forward. Hell I used to be one until my first quickening at 16.

Black Rambos have a natural gift for the grifting game. I call it a game because it’s an agreed upon situation where if you believe the bullshit you lose your cash or your sense of individual thought.

I’ve been gifted a couple of times in my life by my skin folk. I’ve had dudes tell me I’m oppressed and take my money. I’ve had people tell me I’m a citizen of a country and take my money.

It is what it is. My skin folk are a funny folk. When they’re not working or having a good time they whin a lot about white folks and shit kicking cowboys. At the same time they are in a quick hurry to take advange of their own skin folk through money or a big whin feast about the evils of all white folks. Not all shit kicking cowboys just the ones that act like Black Rambo Whinners.

The easist grifting game is the one where you tell people what they want to hear. A lie. A pretty lie. A white lie. A comfortable lie.

The truth..well let’s just say some people will hang a brother on a tree for speaking it.

A good lie will make you some serious hundred dollar bills.

Why am I telling you this? Am I a traitor to my skin folk? Holy shit. I don’t give a fuck what a beta bitch simp has to say or think. I’m telling you this because it’s not taboo or a secret. It is another form of self pity and I can’t stand the shit.

It is no different then begging. It’s just a pretty form of it. The black rambo grifter either wants money or to feel like somebody in some way is bowing in agreement to…..

poor me,

feel sorry for me,

Acknowledge what you did to me.

Now give me money.

I don’t give grifters money or that much attention. I got rent to pay and books to write.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Grade A Bullshit of the modern western world: I’m marrying him because he makes me happy. Holy shit!

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This might offend someone but I don’t give a fuck. It’s funny to me.

Who in the fuck told western men and women that marriage was about being happy?

What brain dead beta bitch wizard invented this horse shit? I’ve been thinking on this shit for more then a few days and laughing my balls off.

Think about the shit. For centuries and even now marriage isn’t strictly about being with someone because they make you happy. It’s about resources and getting goals done.

To put it plainly on the square. Mother fucker back in the day it was about survival my dude.

You needed more people on your team to take down the fucking lion so you could eat that day. Real talk my dude.

Now we’re all living in this simulation of Disneyland dreams of happily ever after bullshit fantasy about men and women. Marriage is about finding the love of your life and providing them happiness.

Holy shit!

Human nature don’t lie and ignores our bullshit when we looking for a mate.

Remember the rule. Women do not want to be worshipped. It’s in their fucking DNA and nature to want a big dick chad to provide and to fuck them. Like wise every men must aspire to be a bad ass with big dick energy. The Chad has always been in charge. The gamma has always been a bitch ass shit starter.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Real talk. I don’t like despair merchants.

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Now I fuck around about the whole Boomer bullshit and everything else but despair or people that sell despair to people looking for hope that does piss me off personally.

Real talk. I get depressed a lot. Not your typical feeling low on a rainy day. No. I mean a feeling of energy being knocked out of me like a hammer to my face and I’ve had days when I didn’t have the energy to cry about how much of a failure I felt.

I get through it now by taking on the shit like a fight and accepting my failures and successes. Finding the means of getting on is my struggle I accept it and I enjoy the struggle because it’s better then submitting to it.

Now. Every once in a while I come across despair merchants dealing out porn and hatred of females oh but not all females just the breathing kind.

Give me a fucking break. It really does chaps my ass hearing some alpha slut or gamma asshole slinging the same old bullshit about everything going into the shit so buy a motorcycle and get a good supply of Porn on hand.

Fucking shit does get to me. Not because I subscribe to the let it burn and piss on the ashes bullshit. It gets to me because young men of the west follow this shit like it’s the secrets to happy living or how to live a fullfilling life in the dark. It’s self help beta bitch horseshit.

The dudes half the time selling the shit are trying to be helpful while taking donations and consulting fees on the side.

The despair merchants do have that confidence game to black pill sales pitch. Be a pig. Fuck females. Die and let the world burn.

Holy shit!

Holy fucking shit.

Fucking whinning big dick assholes.

Shit.

Picture a fucking 6’2 alpha asshole whose fucked fifty chickas in his life and he says his grand meaning of life purpose is to fuck a hundred more and then has beer and starts whinning about how all females are sluts.

Holy shit!

Just like that I can’t be mad for long just thinking about the alpha assholes whinning.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg