It’s a on again and off again relationship. I don’t know. I feel music deeply. It can be like a instant energy booster for me a vast realization of the limits of how far I can go with something and still…and still be obsessed over it.
I have a audiophile memory in regards to music. I remember songs and tones to the minute and timing. Yet, I am at a consent struggle to remember names and planning for events….
Still. I love it. I adore it. I hate it for the lack of wishful thinking it gives me of what if….then I the reality that I can never grasp true grand mastery and yes and yes why can’t earn anything of monetary value from this shit.
Still it haunts me. It draws me back to it. My fingers play on the keys…..
I figured that I really need to just focus on finishing one book at a time. I can get out a short story here and there but I have to be careful of this. I love writing four swords but it’s turning into a full on book that takes to much of my time and it’s too damn long to put up online. I’ll gather what I have and finish it out in a ebook.
I’m finding it harder to keep my short stories real short now. I just end up writing down more then two hundred words with it and I find it harder to keep it short. I’m going to finish it but it will take me full days on my off days to get it done.
I loved writing Blue Jumper but I could have explored more and gone longer with it. I’m at version 001 but I’m going to extend it when I can.
I like how the Dawn of the Supers series is coming along. It’s my favorite series so far because of the challenges the stories have given me. It’s a fun little sci-fi action adventure read.
Currently I am focused on Styx Shade. The writing style is a challenge for me but I embrace it. I’m taking a break from strange dreams Alex and will pick it back up when I’ve finished Styx Shade book 1.
I’m close to finishing La Rue the knight. But it will take time on my off days. I have a direction for it but I just need the off days to get the work done.
The animated Beauty & The Beast movie in the 90s was the shit I grew up with and enjoyed. It was one of My mother’s favorite movies. The music, the animation the fucked up story. I loved that shit.
Flash forward to the remake in 2017 era. I’m much more hip to the notion of Disney being full of shit now that we’ve entered the declining years of woke shit tush salad.
I don’t watch it. I watch the review for one main reason. The big headed alien staring as Bella is some bullshit. I don’t rock it and the fucking trailers gave me the stench of “we’re trying to say something political but we’re dumbasses so”
Pause.
Why in the fuck when they bring back classic good movies they have to destory the good in it with a crappy new interpretation and some black guy in it married to a white wife? Oh wait I know why. It’s because Disney doesn’t want to miss a moment of fucking with black men in general by using them to tell their own shifty as fuck political bullshit evil wet dreams.
Yes. I do hate Disney. It is in my opinion a fucking fact it is an evil empire. This is part 1 of my rant.
Anyway,
Disney is shit.
I’m reading some shit about race swiping that fucks with me a little but the fucking music sections and seeing the big headed alien being Bella that shit….holy shit.
Fuck the race swiping. Having that Big headed chip on her now shoulders asshole as Bella that’s the shit that did it for me. Keep in mind this was back in my beta bitch days so I was doing the fuck that shit on the low.
I think of right wingers as beta bitch losers who love to talk about how virtuous they are losing the their culture, their jobs and their fucking society to blue hair land whales.
I was much worse at one point because I grew not knowing and then being a beta bitch by hiding the fact. I was always on the shit kicking right.
I grew up in a blue state. Spoon fed liberal ideologies and self-pity tactics with a side of Jack Daniel’s. But, I was always weird even in my beta bitch days. Some stuff never rang true to me.
It’s the white man this…the white man that. Always in conflict with the dual messages of you control your progress in life by effort, skill and determination. My ideals flowed to the later and the former always bored the fuck out of me.
I rock with everybody that treat me with respect but I’m down with shit kickers for sure because we agree to the same mindset.
Don’t remain in the past push forward. That’s always been my ideal.
I woke up several hours later, hungry and feeling a sense of my balance return though that consent cloud of darkness seemed to shade my thoughts in depression. I noticed my old pj’s on my body and the scent of lavender in my old room.
Damn.
I started to get up and heard foot steps coming from the stairs up to my room. I tried to raise and fell back on my bed. Damn. I was still too tired and hungry. Xenia came into the room dressed in a white robe and smelling freeze from the shower.
She had a tray of a plate of beacon and eggs with a pancakes breakfast in her right hand a glass of juice in the other. She gave me a look. “Time for breakfast. Good morning.”
“You can’t stay.” I said.
Xenia ignored my comment as she came to sit on the bed next to me. She pasted the tray to me. I took it picked up thr knife and fork. I started in on the breakfast.
Xenia sat quietly staring at me while I ate in silence until I was done and then finished it off with the tall drink. The taste and freshness of the drink cleared my dark mood instantly making me realize it was again that special drink.
I downed the drink in one go and then set the tray and drink aside on the bed to face off against Xenia. Her robe was half open a bit revealing her naked breasts. I fixed back to cover her so that I wouldn’t get distracted.
“What’s your plan here?” I asked.
Xenia shook her head. “No plan. No games. I’m taking care of you. Don’t over think it. Your brothers are all out and about handling something. Zadok’s down stairs with several other tribesmen until they get back.”
I frowned. “Get back from where? Doing what? The Deltas are supposed to be doing the work now.”
“They didn’t bother to explain it to me. They just said they’re hunting for someone.”
The feel of nice blowing wind on my skin. A heated fresh fragrance in the air. It feels so nice. My birthday season is upon me. The trees are starting to bloom and for the moment my cares for troubling political and social winds are beating at my back.
It’s springs gentle night wind kiss tonight. This is the best time to just take a breath and breathe.
I reclined in bed next to my girl while she delt out the cards in bed between us. Twila’s breasts where un covered as she smoked her thin cigar and frowned in concentration.
“There. Let’s play.” Twilla said smoothly picking up her five cards.
I took up my four cards and studied my hand. I wasn’t surprised by the arrangement. It was what I could expect from Twilla when we played the game.
A modified Ace of clubs with the sword and cross symbol on the card, King of Hearts, 10 of Diamonds and a wild joker. It was a image of family.” I said and put down the 10 of diamonds.
Twilla put down a card. It was a Jack of Diamonds. “Hmm. Interesting. He’s your match up. The one coming for you to take your crown to your sword.”
“He hasn’t come at me yet. Why?”
Twilla shrugged. “Don’t know. I don’t see the future just patterns. Next card.”
I put down the Ace of Spades. “Whose coming for him?”
Twilla put down a Ace of Diamonds. “He’s looking to trade up. He had a lot distractions for his rival.” Shee said softly. “He’s calling you in a bit.”
I put down the King of Hearts. “The man after Heart already attacked him twice. The day Momma died and making his woman leave. What diamond is he?”
Twilla smiled. “You get the pattern.” She said and put down the King of Diamonds.
“Shit.” I said. “Their all from the same family. Wait.” I said and put down the Joker. “Whoses left?”
Twilla put down the second Joker on the bed. She leaned back shuffling the rest of the cards in her hand. “Hmm. I have no idea what the fuck this person is. Becareful. I think this person is insane.”
Damn. I looked at her as she played with the cards. “The Deltas. What can you tell me about them?”
Twilla frowned and then put four cards down before setting the cards down. She laid a card below two cards and set two cards to the side.
I pointed at the two cards. “Who are these?”
Twilla smiled. “Vince and his lady.” She said.
I turned them over. It was A king and Queen of Spades. “I didn’t know Vince was married.”
Twilla giggled. “Neither does he, yet. No. I’m not seeing the future. He’s betrothed.”
I snorted and turned over the other cards and froze. The regular Ace of Spades and the King of Spades. Hmm. “So Vince isn’t the strongest of the family? It’s his brother Pete?”
Twilla shrugged. “Try not to think of it in terms of strongest. What is different about their cards and yours. What do you notice?” She asked.
I noticed it quickly. “The Deltas are of the same suit. They’re high rated and their united. What does that say about my brothers and I? There’s nothing the same about me and my brothers. How the fuck are we going to win?
Twilla stared at me. She turned over my cards. The sword and cross symbol was on the back of them. I frowned. I took the other cards they were all ordinary red back designs.
I whistled. “Shit. It’s scary how you do that girl. You coming back to my place.”
Twilla grinned. “You mean your room at your Momma’s house.”
I shrugged. “Yeah. So your staying with me?”
“I’m staying with you. Answer your phone.”
I frowned and then it rang on the nightstand to my right. I rolled my eyes at her as I picked it up.
It’s a complicated question that I find interesting about the Black American culture as it is self named currently and how think of myself.
What is Black Culture? How do you define it? How do you label as such as it should or as it is?
I don’t like the name Black culture. Though it rings true to many of the nation. I don’t like the music current or the weird fucked up relationships with baby Mommas and baby Daddy’s. The tattoos of advertisements from other cultures that people stamp on their bodies and the lack of fuck all or give a damn about language and body modifications to what is naturally you.
I say this now though. I was of an opinion to such at one time but for how I was raised and I am a admit to be so an anamony. I am not the norm I am of a different tribe mindset and personality.
Hmm. I still think on the question. What is a uniting aspect of people with Black Culture. It’s only recently I found a source to it by way of a patriarch apart of the Black American culture but seperate. Identify with his philosophy and I rock with mindset and pursuit of excellence in his chosen vacation.
“To sum up what mamba mentality is, it means to be able to constantly try to be the best version of yourself,” Kobe Bryant
I see this mindset play out in generations of people striving to do live this way both intentionally and those that striving for something better. A better situation in life. Better relationships, better modes of making money, etc.
It goes on and on. It is a common tract. The Mamba philosophy.
My mind goes back to images and of 1960s and early 1900s Black cultures rose and the way the operated. The mindset of the culture in that time. Again I think of the movie Malcom X and the scene of power.
Was this a mask?
Was it all just a front the people in the day put up as their means of survival and trying to look white in a white dominanted society? Honestly the people back then had it worse then my generation with far less then I have. They had act in a certain way. They had to move in a certain way and again not every single member of the nation agreed to do so. But, more then a few did so. Was all just a mask for the times.
No. It was simple a mindset. The people knew they were viewed as innocent children, violent animals or peasant race. Some accepted these theories and acted accordingly others knew it was in….
Bullshit.
Some not all. But, enough people were of a tribal mindset that they would strive to be the best versions of themselves and be controlled by the images other people put on them. They wanted to be their own people that decided what their views of themselves would be. They weren’t perfect or all together good. But, they had a version for something not to be independent of what the messages were of them.
Those people were my ancestors. My tribesmen of a kind. The tradesmen I could I dentify. Trufully we never were African-Americans. That was just always a place holder term.
What changed?
More freedom for black people to be who they are? Yes and no.
It’s complicated but personally I just think the programming methods got better advanced. For a time there was programming geared toward positive images of my tribe during the 1990s with shows like Family Matters and A different world and the shows of the 1980s.
In conclusion….
I go back to this quote ..
“To sum up what mamba mentality is, it means to be able to constantly try to be the best version of yourself,” Kobe Bryant
Kobe didn’t live his life striving to be better the Michael Jordan or a better Larry Bird. He lived striving to be the best Kobe he could be. I rock with that. That is independent of being like anything else. It is striving to improve on what is original.
Now. How do I really think of myself. I think of myself as I am an Aboriginal. I’m not trying to be like anyone else. I’m not trying to mask lingo or hustle & flow to my speech and lyrical bard harold of my message….
This me striving everyday to be a better version of myself. I fail. I try again. I write everyday. I put in the work. I go full steam and strive to be the best me I can be then I was two days ago.
I watched Xenia dress Heart in his old Pj’s. There was a moment. “Why did you leave like that?” I asked her pointedly.
Xenia stiffened at the tone of my voice. She stared at Heart’s face as she pet his face. “I lost my mind. I couldn’t think straight. I don’t know. Tracy said something that reminded me that I was supposed to take Momma out that day. I felt like shit and-“
“Who the fuck is Tracy?” I asked.
Xenia frowned. “Joe’s newest girl. He was with her when Zadok called the house about Heart and….and about what happened.”
I frowned and glanced at Stacy at the open door way. She frowned reading my thoughts. I nodded to Xenia. Stacy nodded coming in the room and giving me a kiss before she sat with Xenia.
Xenia looked at Stacy and then her ring hand and turned her gaze to Heart. I left the room to hunt up for Joe. I had words to have with him and I needed to know who and where I could find this Tracy. I had a hunch.
I spotted Joe talking with a cute shorty dressed in a black dress standing outside. Rita was standing behind him angled away from the girl. I studied the girl. She seemed normal enough but something about her put me off. I got out my phone and snapped two photos of her and put my phone away. I walked out.
The girl spotted me. Giving me a look before fixing her face into a cute innocent smile. She had purple lipstick and matching contact lenses. Hmm. Yeah. I would have to move quick and isolate her.
I looked at Joe. He was studying me. I smiled to put him at ease. “So whose your friend, fam. Introduce me.” I said adding charm and light hearted ease into my tone.
Joe blinked. “Oh. This my friend, Tracy Angles. Tracy this is my bro Ace Holmes.”
“Oh I’m your friend now? Who is this girl then-:
“-my tribe. Don’t start the bullshit Tra. I told you already. Relax.”
“Relax?! I ain’t believing your bullshit. Your fucking this girl. I ain’t-“
“You need to leave. Now.” I said feeling tension and rage at the sound of her voice and energy. Yeah. I would have to deal with her tonight.
She turned to me hitting me with something a combination of exotic and rage. My symbol burned against my chest. I was able to keep my cool and think. Even though I had a massive hard on in my pants.
I grabbed her shoulders turned her around and gave her slap on the ass to give her a running start out of my presense. I waited until she was out of sight before I turned to Joe. He was more surprised then anger at me handle the girl. Good.
“I don’t like her and I want to deal with her type around the family right with Heart sick and the court case coming up. Dump her. You get me?”
Joe nodded. “Yeah. I was getting tired of her lately. I’ll keep her away from the family.” He said and turned to the house taking Rita’s hand and leading the way inside.
I followed him inside sending the photos to Zadok and Vince Detla.
-on it. – Vince
– I got you. – Zadok
I would update Diamond in a few when I got more information.
Tucker Carlson bringing up facts about Zelinsky being a dictator and the U.S. leaders support him. Why? He says most of them are dumbasses and agree to it because they would like to have that same energy or dictatorship boot to neck policy in a free America. Hmm.
The man makes a logical and reasonable argument about it being stupid for Ukraine to not surrender to survive. I urge you to look up what he’s saying because it’s interesting.
A realist…
My thoughts on Hellmouth talk show host Tucker Carlson. I agree with his take on everyone being full of shit in defending Zelinsky’s dictatorship. I disagree that America is a democratic free country. When you have U.S. state overlords saying if you don’t take the jab you can’t work or fucking with your money and economy because the leaders say so. We the people didn’t vote for mask mandates, vaccines and lockdowns that did nothing to stop the spread of Covid.That ain’t freedom.
My thoughts about the nihilist thoughts. I agree with his logical arguments that people are full of shit if you side with one side over the other and tell people to fight in a war you have no skin in because of feelings. I disagree with the notion in part that there are no winners in war. If Russia gets what it wants then Zelinsky is fucked with an iron rod.
My overall thoughts of course are this has nothing to do with me and there will be some new distraction to come along after Russia possibly gets rid of Zelinsky end the near future.
First off. Fuck the good guys and bad guys bullshit on hellmouth news and being spoken by pimp cocain democrats and GOP hoes. It’s all bullshit.
I don’t respect or listen to professional liars trying to mind fuck me into believing lies as reality. I don’t trust them to even tell me the fucking time of day without knowing their trying to fuck me in some way.
Possible reasons for U.S. leaders supporting the current dictatorship in Ukraine.
NWO (U.S. leaders) have this bitch in their back pocket and control the country and the people. They decide what that country will be.
NWO wish to fuck with Russia in some way and have a pocket of power near the border of Russia.
Ukraine must not fall because it would be a threat to the complete dominance of the NWO hypnotic spell it has over the world and it’s gang of countries.
The NWO need the war in Russia to continue on. Keep in mind the NWO is trying to avoid being the bad guy in starting a open war with Russia and throwing the fucking world into WW3. But, this is the age of dumbasses. So for some reason they believe another world war would be sexy.
In conclusion….
If your reading this in 2077
Yes.
They used the Ukrainian situation as a means to quietly stop talking about covid and get rid of the mandates when nobody gave a damn because war is sexy. This is the age of dumbasses….
