It’s a on again and off again relationship. I don’t know. I feel music deeply. It can be like a instant energy booster for me a vast realization of the limits of how far I can go with something and still…and still be obsessed over it.
I have a audiophile memory in regards to music. I remember songs and tones to the minute and timing. Yet, I am at a consent struggle to remember names and planning for events….
Still. I love it. I adore it. I hate it for the lack of wishful thinking it gives me of what if….then I the reality that I can never grasp true grand mastery and yes and yes why can’t earn anything of monetary value from this shit.
Still it haunts me. It draws me back to it. My fingers play on the keys…..
My ears listen in on Spotify app. I turn up the volume on record player…..
I feel in those moments rest. Real rest. I find work in writing. I work in work that pays.
Still I find only one value in music. Sweet rest and sweet memories of days of peace and serenity.