Tag: funny

A bastardiced version of Powerpuff girls live action is coming. Nobody asked for the shit but CW provides it for you. Holy shit!

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Hello, I’m guardiandogg and I’m American Highlander bad ass nerd. Now that’s out of the way.

I love the OG powerpuff girls. Pure 90s cheesecake cartoon shit. Big heads included my dude. Fucking CW is making some bullshit live action shit of Powerpuff girls.

The bullshit cometh. The fucking show already looks like a big mac shit sandwich with no fries just a milk shake of piss. Fucking buttercup is a black power princess.

Holy shit.

Everybody knows fucking buttercup is an asian barbie land princess.

Holy shit.

Bitch!

Holy mother fucking bitch!

The 90s was a throw back to the 80s and now 2000s, 2010s, 2020s is a bizarre world of a throw back to creative mainstream shows going into the shitter.

What the fuck is in the water these brain dead western assholes drink…

bleach?

Or

Cocain?

Look my dude all joking aside. It is looking to be a lovely Monday morning in shit kicking Texas enjoy your day and go watch the OG powerpuff girls for a laugh at my silly ass.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Okay it’s been some time let’s talk about why we should abort rapists and Jackels #PTBTS

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Look I’m trying to make the case every once in a while it is perfectly okay to legally take a Jackel or Rapist to the back of a barn and…

Put that bitch to SLEEP.

Real talk. Jackels are a bain on society and a shit stain on masculine pride day. More on MP day later…

Look. I understand the need to do things legally. I’m all for the shit. Putting Jackels in prison tell the prison population about their evil crimes and addiction to fucking with the legazy of fathers and mothers.

Turn out the lights, open a prison door and pick up the body in the morning….

All seriousness. What is wrong with acknowledging we all want and desire a world where we can legally put a bitch to sleep? Can’t we all agree that given the go ahead by an elected official or The Lord himself putting the magnum in our hands we would gladly put bitches to SLEEP.

Real talk. My Black Rambo skin cousins have a quiet code about this shit or a tradition long standing. If you are caught. Holy Shit. The Black Rambo turns into Judge Dredd. “Bitch you better turn your ass in before uncle Leroy find out what you did and put your Bitch ass to SLEEP.” – Momma Rambo with a 45. Peace maker. She didn’t wait for Uncle Leroy she had a hair appointment that day.

Shit kickers I know have a more open policy about it. I’m in shit kicking texas my dude. Just the other day I saw a decal on a red SUV. It was two figures. One shit kicker standing over a kneeing Jackel with a peace maker in his hand.  There was a saying around the two figures it said….

Kill your local pedefile…now I don’t agree with notion of killing. Murder is wrong.

I support legally taking a bitch ass Jackel to the back of a barn and putting that BITCH to SLEEP.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

How did The CW the Flash show become converged into big mac shit sandwich.

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If you do something long enough and study the good and bad in the process you get the feeling for when something has converged from being creative to being a shit sandwich layered in mayonnaise.

The strange case of the Flash on the CW converging into the shitter. A post that deserves a deep analysis of it’s own but being short on time because I got to get to work let’s cut through the bullshit.

The Flash was a simple B graded show in the beginning. It had heart and simple stories and a likeable main character good budget at the beginning. It didn’t need to be more it started out good.

What the fuck happened? In a word. A shitstorm. It became an overbloated shit storm my dude that other shity CW shit shows sucked the fucking blood and life from to stay alive.

Now. If you like the shit storm of the CW shit machine to each his own bullshit. But, honest and true. At the fucking beginning The Flash as a show that focused on the charecter and his story is much more watchable then what the fuck happened with all these side characters fucking their way into the Flash’s universe.

It’s a lesson in art. You can start out focused and over bloat your shit from the focus.

Or

You can start out with a mess and turn the shit around by focus and detail. Bob Ross would have said it more elegantly.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

P. S. We didn’t need a Super Girl show mother fucker. Wonder Woman can have as many shows from now to forever. Fuck it. Team Wonder Woman rules. Suck it, Super Girl fan boys.

China 🇨🇳 the country nobody wants to fuck with because everybody woes them I.O.U’s

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It’s not really a secret my dude. Think about it from a micro level.

Example. George Simp has a dude in his life that he tends to borrow a lot of cash from because he’s shit with money at times meaning he has a gold digging girlfriend that won’t fuck him.

Let’s call the dude Chris China or Mr. China. He doesn’t ask for money back my dude. He don’t even say much to George about when he going to get his fucking cash..he just askes George don’t say shit to him about his shit or wife.

George had a friend Big T he was trying to help him money wise. George had a falling out with Big T because he got jealous of his big dick or some bullshit. Mr. China comes up to George and tells him he’s tired of seeing his face in his neighborhood so he tells George to fuck off. George being a simp, fucks off and ask Mr. China for six grand while he goes.

A bit of a long bullshit way of saying we’re screwed but it is what it is.

Why aren’t you worried?

I laugh. Mr. China has probelms of his own to worry about his beta bitch simp problem in his neighborhood is growing and fuckers got debts of his own past due.

So why is George fucking with Big Dick Russia? George’s girlfriend is all behind the shit. Her name trickie Trotskyite. Mr. Russia dumped her ass years ago and the bitch is still sore about it.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Fuck being woke. Your ass needs to be a bad ass part 3

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Here we are in my never ending quest of ranting like an old fuck but…

Fuck it. We’re going into part 3 of why your woke ass needs to be a bad ass.

I’m not sorry at all. No I won’t apologize. I wasn’t told this as a kid I saw Commando and Cobra. The two C’s of masculine overdrive works of fucking art of male big dick bad ass attitude.

My own black Rambo Daddy, may he rest in fucking glory was no different.

Men must be bad asses. It’s a rule. Fuck. It’s the law of nature my dude.

Anyway, It’s a lovely sunny day the birds are singing all but for the bitter bitch winds. Still It’s Friday so enjoy the day for what it is.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

What does it mean to be a 21 century gentleman? Well..you have to be a bad ass.

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A simp is not a gentleman. I studied the art and practice of being a gentleman in the western style and first rule is…

The point of being a gentleman is making the people in your circle or radius of protection as comfortable as possible.

With one minor guardiandogg twist I would add don’t fuck with my people or the tribe I roll with.

There is a time to provide comfort and there is a time that honor demands you put on your shit kicking boots and establish peace in your circle with a go fuck yourself or a swift kick to the mouth. So that the comfort level can go back to normal for everyone else.

I’m not sorry at all. The people in my circle know not to whimsically piss on me and tell me it’s raining. I like everybody but I’m not to be fucked with in regards to respect or fucking with the people in my circle.

Pause.

Man I sound like an ancient old fuck. You know what I am an ancient American Highlander soul bad ass dude.

Anyway, have a lovely day. This side of my current residence of shit kicking texas is looking sunny with a cold ass wind blowing like a two dollar hoe.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Meghan Markle is a black power princess and Prince Harry is servent boy

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Word of warning!! The bullshit is coming!!

Remember my rule.

Okay. I don’t give two shits plus one asshole in a dress about this bitch or her husband but for the purposes of being funny. I’ll use her royal highness of black power and her peasent husband as food for this post.

Holy shit.

I wasn’t even going to talk about this bitch today but one of my favorite bloggers did a piece on her and her “Africa connection” so I will add my two cents.

The story is this bitch is serving up some new shit about some mystery asshole in the in-breed royal family of good old England.

Apparently some body shared hateful concerns in the past about her future baby in being a little on the black rambo shade. Before the baby was born.

This bitch is no end of some female black power bullshit. She married a fucking blue blood prince simp bitch younger then her and got him and her kicked out of England for talking to damn much and cucking his beta ass.

Pause.

I don’t feel sorry for Prince beta cuck bitch Harry what ever the hell his last name is. He married a black power princess and isn’t dominant enough or man enough to keep her in check before she put the leash on his ass. Sucker got played boo fucking woo. There’s to many damn men in his life not to school his ass on how to be a mother fucking big dick energy OG. Ya heard.

A common trait of a black power Princess is….

1) Two cents of conversation turns into a bullshit storm for decades.

2) If a strong male isn’t leading them then their leading that simp beta bitch asshole by his balls, my dude.

My conclusion. If she’s leading you by the balls she has zero respect for you not to keep her bullshit in check to protect your back. Her bitch husband has been failing every shit test she’s given him sense day one.

Always remember lesson two in female bullshit. 

“Harry, maybe you just have to face the fact that you can never be a big dick puerto Rican Cassinova. Your just beta bitch. I can say anything I want and you won’t do a damn thing about it.”

Hmmm. How the fuck would you respond to that shit? That female bullshit.

Warm, Regards

Guardiandogg

You got to have a sense a humor

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Life gets tough sometimes and hard to deal with on beautiful clear sunny day.

You got to laugh or find some enjoyment out of it all. Especially when someone is determined to piss on your bowl of ice cream. You got to laugh or throw the shit in their face and make um taste their own piss.

It’s the best response to an asshole whose determined to play stupid games you give stupid prizes for all their efforts.

Laughter and a sense of humor some times can be the best way to fight against what’s trying to destory you.

Warm, Regards

Guardiandogg

What’s wrong with aborting rapists? I don’t get it. (Comedy?)

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Alright go with me on this

entertain the notion for a moment. What the hell is wrong with putting a bitch to sleep when he has raped a young lady?

You’ll give me this, that’s not right or moral. You can’t just put bitches to sleep just because a bitch or a group of bitches rape a girl in the middle of the fucking street. Putting bitches down costs money and what about animal rights?

This fucking shit!

I’d do the shit for free or pay a vet to do the job and give him a special shot gun and room to get the job done. It’s all simple to me. You got the evidence. You got the witnesses and you got a motive. Put the bitch to sleep.

You’ll even give me, well we do have abortions. The mother can put the child of the bitch to sleep.

Bitch please!

Fuckers trying to be slick. I want to put bitches to sleep they want to give some bullshit of don’t do that how about I piss in your soup. That’s better right?

Fucking bullshit.

Warm, Regards

Guardiandogg

Crafting an Antagonist but not a villian. (Writing craft) (comedy)

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I’ve been thinking about this for a few days. I’ve failed often times to craft a truely great antagonist in writing who you could understand and not outright get the feeling this fucker is insane.

But, it came to me as I was watching some bullshit video on some nameless bullshit site. The dude was an asshole that was trying to get with some sluppy looking bitch for some romantic bullshit reason because he fell in love with her mind but he was being a sneaky asshole about faking it with innocent old beta bitch is not trying to hit it act.

Holy shit!

I was bored and I was in a low energy level or some bullshit.

The video did give me a thought about the strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde. I haven’t read the book yet but I know and you know the story.

Some asshole Mr. Nice guy scientist keeps drinking a magic potion that turns him into a asshole without the nice guy face.

I wanted to flip that shit a bit. What if the antagonist is a smart dude with simple motivations. Human shit. A 5’5 shorty and a shiny new 2021 mustang.

The story. Main character Cindy Shorty ain’t feeling antagonist Bill Bastard and the bitch thinks of him as her personal beta bitch simp. So does he hatch a plan to woe her with a new mustang and muscles?

Fuck no my dude. He crafts a plan to go after her hotter younger sister Betty Shorty, my dude. Hard. He gets the car on lease and goes after Betty like a stone cold player. Charming, funny and big dick energy and all.

Cindy doesn’t like the shit. Because she’s a jealous bitch. She tries to stop the shit because Bill says he’s not really into Betty but he’ll marry her and dump her if it don’t work out.

Cindy is openly furious at Bill but her panties are going up in flames for Bill my dude. She’s smelling some big dick energy.

Cindy goes nuts. She is slutting it up and going after Bill hard trying to get him to stop dating her sister. Bill is playing it cool and denying the bitch.

Cindy then goes super crazy and seduces Bill into bed and gets pregnant. She tells Betty about Bill seducing her and playing Betty for Cindy’s affection and all that bullshit. Betty buys it.

Cindy is pregnant so she uses this as a opportunity to force Bill to marry her. At the wedding day Cindy’s brother Jack gives Bill a check for five grand.

Cindy asks about the check. Bill looks at her and says. “I made him a bet that you would force me to marry you in under a year. I needed it to pay off the lease on my car.” He said.

Cindy acts all offened but she’s sniffing his scent my dude. Big dick energy is making this bitch looking for a back room and a table for Bill to put her on. She goes to Betty and talks to her about it. Betty smiles and doesn’t look surprised at all. She looks like she knew the whole damn time.

Now Cindy is the main character. Bill is the antagonist. Bill is an asshole but damn if you can’t respect his game.

Damn this was a long one…

Warm, Regards

Guardiandogg

Midnight. Karaoke night. Two guys and one song about Wild Pussy…(comedy)

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I was at this restaurant late night with a girl 5’5 a shorty with a nice smile and a great backside and wearing a tiny red dress. I didn’t have to do much work this time. I got her and she had me with a smile of encouragement.

Anyway, it was karaoke night. Two dudes got up on the stage. One black rambo and a shit kicking cowboy. Both dateless and they both looked like shit.

I groaned. I was ready to get on with the shorty back to my place.

I heard a jumpy guitar rift and nice drum combination of some Jamaican cool tune of live band. What? I looked and saw they had two other fellas with them as back up.

The shorty smiled liking the tune to. There was a playfulness in her eyes and warmth about her that told me this bitch is in the mood.

The two dudes started moving to the music. They were feeling it but they looked like they were skipping on stage in no direction just in the moment to be playful and no fucks given.

The black rambo begins with a speed through rap I couldn’t give two damns to follow entirely. Something about a shorty with a nice booty and him getting lucky. Some ordinary shit. I was starting to get annoyed.

The black Rambo pauses and looks to his partner. Shit kicking cowboy looks at him and then at us and says.

“That was some…

WILD PUSSY!! Ohhh. Ohhh. Yeah!”

What the fuck?! That came out of nowhere.

They look out in to the audience like two hunters on safari. I laughed. Shorty was trying to be offended but my face made her guffaw loudly along with everyone else.

The shit kicker wasn’t done. He started singing but looked at his partner ignoring the audience.

“Where did she come? Where did meet her? Give me, the details. Does she have sister? Tell me more…bro.”

Damn. Cowboy was singing like a rock star trying to start a panty collection.

Black Rambo wasn’t to be out done though.

“Shorty was shopping with her sisters. I came right at her. I gave her my game. I took her away. Back to my place. I laid it on her. To two in morning. I got her number. But that was some….

WILD PUSSY!! Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah.”

They skipped off the stages as the music faded and we clapped for them.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg