Month: January 2021

Abortion is a wild connondrum to ponder

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All joking aside about my highlander heritage. I grew up in a era when abortion was the thing. It wasn’t looked down on or put to shame.

The abortion of the modern times is a little confusing to me at times. I think and ponder it all. I’m like this shit don’t make sense to me. I’m just an old fucker after all.

Alright let me give you an example of my kind of abortion.

You have a bitch that’s a bite wild and to playful and maybe a little dangerous. She gets out of the yard and attacks a young girl on the street wounding her leg and biting her body.

The dog is taken out back to the barn by the father of the young girl and with a shut gun or a glock the father violently puts that bitch to sleep.

I know. I know your going to cry to me about animal cruelty but that’s just how we did things in my day. We didn’t cut off the young girl’s leg. We put that bitch to sleep.

Another example. A dude by the name of Ed, I knew back in the day owned a farm near me. He was a friendly man and had a lovely daughter that when she smiled you saw sunshine and you could hear the birds sing. We called her sun shine girl.

One afternoon when the father was away for a short time. A mother fucking savage came on to Ed’s farm and attacked and raped sun shine girl.

Ed came back as the mother-fucker was in the act of raping his daughter. Ed being a responsible man of law and order and an excellent shooter took out his 45. and put that bitch to sleep.

His daughter called the police while kind hearted Ed tried to save this bitch for trial for attempted murder.

Attempted murder?

Yeah. Back in my day. When we had the evidence and the shit was clear as a sunny day. We put bitches to sleep and went to church for Sunday morning service.

What about multipul cases of gang rape?

Holy shit. That would have been a long day of guns going off my friend.

Yep. I just don’t understand the times today. Abortion was more simpler in my day. Instead of putting bitches in jail we put bitches to sleep.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

A study in female bullshit lesson 2 Maybe your not a badass? It’s okay honey.

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Holy shit!

Holy mother fucking shit!

Now. Dudes in general will question a bro’s manhood openly and clown him until he cries or gets the hint that his friends want him to get some balls and come back with a retort in response that is indicative to the question. He most respond with a dominant put down to such foolishness.

“Fuck you bitch. I‘m a big dick highlander mother fucker. Come at me bro. I’ll put your bitch ass down and have your wife make me a sandwich after I get done fucking her. You weak ass bitch.”

The disagreement would be saddled by words or a threw down.

Now. A female hates simps [In my day we called them pussies.] They can not abide a dude with no balls. It don’t matter if you two are fucking or not. She hates cowardly simp bitch ass dudes. But she will not say this shit directly.

Facts.

Example: Fun with Dick and Jane (Jim Carry movie)

Dick has lost his job is about to lose his house and has decided to become a liquor store robber. His wife drives him to a store and they sit in the car while Dick’s bitch ass can’t decide whether to do this shit or not.

Jane turns to him tries to get him to give the shit up. He says he’s going to do it. She looks at him and says,

“Dick, this isn’t who you are. Some men can do this but maybe you have to face the fact your not a badass.”

Holy shit.

Holy mother fucking shit.

It was a moment in time when my male brain could translate that female bullshit speech. I realized where in the fuck have I heard this shit before.

Translation: Dick your a punk ass bitch. You don’t have a dick. Maybe you need to face it because I’m going to leave you for a big dick puerto rican Cassinova.

What the fuck do you think Dick did after hearing that female bullshit. He got his balls up and got that shit done. Guess who followed him into the shit. The fucking bitch that questioned his manhood. That bitch was cold but Dick’s manhood burned that bitch’s panties up my dude.

Holy shit.

Fuck that nice guy bullshit. Being a man ain’t about being nice my dude. A female can’t teach a boy to be a man but she damn well know a fucking man when she smells one.

That’s some real shit.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

Covid mask theory: masks reveal the crazy fuckers around you (comedy)

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Let’s call it like it is my dude. Masks don’t do shit but make it harder for people to breath and reveal the crazy fuckers around you.

Facts.

The double mask dude. This mother fucker is the dude with two masks on in his own car alone and crazy eye stare as you past by him on the fucking street. Harmless but be careful fucker might try to spray you with bleach.

No mask guy. He’s a fucking dude that thinks he’s hot shit and he got a big brain because he knows it’s all bullshit. He fucking looks at people with masks on like he’s fucking the Lord of the universe looking down at peasants.

I let the shit go. In a hundred years his bitch ass will be gone and I’ll be living on looking like I’m sixteen.

The face shield fucker. Holy shit. Watch out for this fucker. She’s calm enough and friendly when you talk to her but if you fucking sneeze on her. My dude you better run. My dude that bitch will come after your head.

The black mask helper. This fucker attracts a fist to the face like a whore to a dick. He is well intentioned. He is concerned that you’re not taking your health seriously. That your not taking The Big C seriously enough.

My Black Rambo nomad badass daddy lost his battle to Cancer my dude. These mother fuckers are close to saying the Big C is Cancer × Aids = Black death 2000s.

Get the fuck out of here. Don’t pimp me that fear cocain my dude. I’m good. I’ll wear my mask only because it’s fucking cold outside and my fucking bosses won’t get off my dick about it.

One good thing is the mask shit let’s you know who the fucking crazy people are around you.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

It’s official stock investing is fucking gambling. Gamers figure out how to fuck over elite (gangster) hedge fund managers holy shit!

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I normally don’t do this shit but I found this shit funny as hell and I had to share. You got to read this shit.

Long story short. The Big C that fucked all our plans up last year has a net positive effect. Ordinary people locked down in their homes have figured out the fucking Cassino Wall Street system and fucked over hedge fund managers plans to bet against GameStop. Instead of us getting fucked. The elites got fucked over.

Fucking joke my dude. Read the shit. I had heard noise of this shit on the interwebs and didn’t give two shits to find out the story because well..fuck GameStop. My spirit brother VD dropped a post about it and I did a little light reading on the shit.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

Just reading the bullshit had me shaking my head my dude. One big fucking joke. I had a thought one time about being a fucking investor but your better off fucking selling dildos and mystery boxes on eBay you’ll get a better return on your investments. This shit.

Fuck it. Somebody loan me ten grand and buy me a fucking a ticket to Los Vegas. I’m betting on black and taking the house down.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

I ain’t a Black Rambo. I’m a mother fucking Highlander. A prince of the mother fucking universe

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Real talk my guy

I was born in the hills of east Baltimore. The son of a Black Rambo nomad badass. My mother a black power princess daughter of a cocain high Lord Democrat.

I grew up in between the highlands of Baltimore my father’s lands and the low lands of North Carolina my mother’s land. I spent the remainder of my first half of my life in the highlands studying to be a bard and picking up skills here and there.

Right around sixteen my dude I hit the quickening. No joke my dude. Fire and ice hit my body for a moment and I pasted out with a collection of Robert Frost poetry in my hand. I stopped fucking aging at sixteen years old. Same age my mother gave me my first sword.

I didn’t notice this shit because I had my head in a book and was trying to be a poet like my hero Robert Frost. My dream was to be a bard/scholar on his level at least. That’s my dude. I rock with his shit hard in my younger years.

Anyway, fast forward a couple of years. It finally hit me when I have fucking twenty year olds thinking I was around their age or younger added on to that I was at my gym (job) yesterday and I realized I had gotten fucking stronger from two years ago.

Holy shit. The quickening hit then and there. The power went out in the building and I had young dudes looking at me weird because lightening bolts were flashing out of my guns my dude. Holy shit! I can’t live in denial for fifty more years.

I’m a highlander my dude. A prince of the mother fucking universe.

My story continues….

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

A study in female bullshit lesson 1 Lying

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A study in female bullshit lesson 1 Lying

Men and females all have our own gradients of bullshit in general. Men have our talking points of what shorty we want to bang and the next car we want to buy when we get the money.

We talk shit about our boss and worries about family life and our females getting on our backs about playing fucking video games.

It’s all simple shit. We got a disagreement we talk it out go one on one and say fuck it and go home.

That said…female bullshit is a special kind of shit.

Back in the 1800s..naw I’m just fucking with you it was 1977.

I knew one dude from work that was “friends” with some shorty for months. Nothing sexual but I don’t trust that shit myself anyway. I have even less trust for the hyper sexual hot box chicka types.

Anyway, they go from best buddies to this bitch not talking to him when we at work or when they’re both in the same fucking room. His ass don’t know shit of why she changed up on him. He’s in his early twenties. He’s even gotten some pussy on the regular but I could see that blank stare of confusion on his face at her switch in behavior. He’s probably wondering if he did anything wrong or if she’s on her period. It ain’t none of that simple normal shit.

It’s that female bullshit right there.

You could say you don’t know the story I would say to you go fuck yourself. I know what I saw. I know the game my dude and so do you or you need to get the fucking audiobook son. She was giving him the shit test. They weren’t even fucking but I could see this bitch putting his ass on the list of back ups. She had to test him out though and see if he would take her shit or throw it back at her. I guess she didn’t like his test scores on the course.

I watch. I see. I listen. I like to be proven wrong occasionally. I got the time. I was an old fuck back 1970s to so nobody notices me much. They weren’t friends. She put his ass on the low key list and figured out either she didn’t want him or he damn sure didn’t want her. Maybe, she got bored one thing though….

She has a kid. My dude what the fuck do you think? He doesn’t have any kids and he ain’t up for raising other peoples kids.

She got to work because she hocked up with some poor asshole with a big dick and no money that’s in and out of jail. Same old fucking story. Hot chickas out for dangerous big dick dude. Fucking dumbass. She was lying from the jump. Friends my ass. Nothing but some bullshit. Some female bullshit.

How do I know all this? Easy. She’s a female and females in general talk to damn much. He’s young and can’t stand moments of silence so he would talk to me and everybody around him. You find out a lot about people if you listen to them bullshiting a bit eventually they tell you the truth.

I don’t hate the females. I just have a low tolerance for that red gradient female bullshit. The first level in high grade shit. Lying.

How did I become an export? You learn from experience my dude. There ain’t no female alive in the modern world that doesn’t give one male in her radius that female bullshit to a degree.

If you thought this was some funny shit drop a like and comment on it if you think I’m one crazy old fucker.

Warm regards,

Guardiandogg

Paycheck the short story (book nerd shit)

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I read the short story back in my teens I think. This shit was ten plus years before Ben Affleck was fucking with J-Lo or whatever the hell name she goes by now.

I saw the movie. My review. BUY that shit but it ain’t as good as the story.

Facts.

Anyway, I read it in a collection of Phillip K Dick stories I got from the library.

Holy shit.

That shit was the shit. It dealt with time in a realistic way. Instead of traveling through time what if you could view events before they happened. But I didn’t know any of that shit from the start. The story unlike the movie puts you right at the point of the character waking up from finishing his job for a corporation years later no memory of what he did or what shit he got himself into and twelve items only to his name.

The mystery is uncovered as you and the main character discover what the hell happened and what the hell is going on.

I love that shit. Paycheck is one of the very few classic tales that doesn’t mind fuck you from the jump or slowly slips it in from the back.

The story embedded itself into my memory and mind. I can remember seeing the trailer for the movie on TV and knowing what the fuck it was and being excited as hell to see it on film.

It was good but fuck if only they could have done true to the story and let people figure out the shit on their own.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

An Ode to Lone Star Shit kicking Cowboys

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Okay theirs white people and then theirs lone star shit kicking Cowboys.

I haven’t met natives from the wild west Arizona parts but I fucking heard stories of mother fuckers open carring with a Wyatt Earp gun belt on their hips and cowboy hat at a gangster lean to the right.

Holy shit!

I’m not talking in a Marketing Issue bullshit tone. I’m talking about some real shit my dude. Be proud of who you are and rock your shit. Own your shit.

Lone Star shit Kicking Cowboys are on that real shit. Big trucks, cowboy hats on any given day and shit kicking Cowboy boots to match.

Hot damn!

That’s some real shit. The only fault I would have against them is their all to damn nosy all the time.

Lone Star shit kickers are a friendly bunch and at times a little to nosy for my east city slicker ways. They keep it real warm and nice and all.

They fucking got a heritage out here and history of it’s own.

I like that. I rock with that. I appreciate that real shit my dude.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

Big Dick theories vol. 1 natural and gusto

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It is a proven fact that puerto rican Cassinovas, Black Rambos and Lone Star shit kicking Cowboys have the biggest natural dicks in the world.

Facts.

However, is there another means for ordinary mortal men to obtain big dick protential?

Yes. I believe there is. Gusto.

Gusto is not magic or a myth as some small dick assholes would have you believe. Big dick gusto is a natural evolution of getting shit done and taking the world on by the balls.

I’m being very serious. Please stop laughing.

Gusto is all natural no need for expensive surgery and hocker’s spells.

It comes from a formula of 20% confidence, 30% dominance and 50% shit kicking attitude.

The research study is still on going so I will get back to you with further studies.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

I fucking love puerto ricans…(comedy)

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Listen..life has it’s strange twists and turns. Sometimes you end up in places you never thought about or dreamed of going to.

I ended up in Texas because I was a pussy at the time and my mother was driving the car. But, the only excuse I give is I was writing a book at the time and I didn’t give a fuck all to much.

Anyway, I found my way into Texas. The long Star state that I kid you not is the place where the punk ass bitch gets kicked out of you from the jump.

Let me ramble a bit. I’m getting to my point. I land a fucking job out of nowhere and I get to start working around a multicultural setting of almost every tribe of humans known to men. Top two tribes being puerto ricans and shit kicking, long star cowboys.

I have a special place in my heart for lone star shit kickers but puerto ricans my dude.

Holy shit!

I kid you not I got two puerto rican spirit brothers of mean I love dearly. The rest are all Cassinova big dick mother fuckers. The females are feminine by default and pretty across the board.

The most friendly, hard working and charming people. Damn. I wish I can say the same for my skin folk around here but my skin folk cousins are pretty much the same all over. Different levels of bullshit you have to work through.

Hey, I keep it grade A real. We ain’t perfect but we are genuine.

Puerto ricans my dude. They bring the charm and spirit of a warm presense and friendly good will. They get shit done, clock out and get in their car blast their la la bum ba music and go home and take care of their families.

I fucking love them. Family and work ethic. What the fuck else is there?

Fuck it I love their music to. They own that shit. They own who they are. They talk in their language and always are what they are and holy shit do they love to party.

That’s some real shit. I haven’t met one puerto rican once that tried to mask themselves to be something they are not. I fucking love that. Maybe I’m seeing things from culture shock glasses. Maybe there are some fake puerto rican mother fuckers out there…

Fuck that noise. That’s propaganda horse shit my guy.

Puerto ricans are on that real shit. Come at me bro tell me I’m lying.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Chris Brown is the 21st century Fred Astaire holy shit!

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You know I thought saving this one for tomorrow but ya’aw been hitting me up with likes like crazy family so

I thought fuck it. Let’s have fun.

Well. You might be asking me. Who the fuck is Fried Astaire?

My dude. Dancer, singer, actor, show performing and profiling. The man from a age in American history when men got shit done in a suit and tie and woman walked around the house like they were modeling for a magazine.

Holy shit!

Michael Jackson was Michael Jackson the King of pop but Chris Brown is the dancer, singer, musician, actor and show stopper. The full monty mother fuckers. The full show in one body.

Google search the shit. But, my old heads will know the dude. Maybe in passing maybe from a memory of seeing one of your grandpa’s old movies.

Yes, I told I was an old fuck.

Holy shit. The idea hit me like a bat to the head and for ten seconds I had a fucking good laugh.

Yes, tattoos in all. Rough and dominant ways and all. Chris mother fucking Brown is the modern man that dances on walls and floats on the air of his own brand of Charisma and seduces bitches with a smile.

Holy Shit.

Doubt me all you want but if the legend was alive and young today. Both men would be setting entertainment world on a blaze and the panties would be falling like rain.

Damn. Maybe I have gone crazy. Fuck it this is funny to me at least. Have a lovely night.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg