Month: January 2021

Conflict and trial!? I vap that shit and it tastes like bubblegum cotton candy

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I grew up raised by a single mother. Enough said. I was a pussy for most of my life until shit got real and life decided to put me on front street and give me the shit test finally.

I stood in front of a hospital bed where my mother was dying of some shit I didn’t  understand. Fuck I still don’t understand to this day. One year ago she was healthy one year later I got to make plans for her fucking burial having to decide how much money I could spend and whether I could honor my ancestor’s wishes.

I couldn’t and the dishonor follows me like a demon today.

I learned a lesson that she couldn’t teach me in those months in my PSD hours when my own failures haunted me every waking hour. Life has it’s Joy’s and life has it’s series of shit tests.

I swam in pools of despair for months and then one mother fucking old G’s words in stilled in me the words to what I was learning.

“Life is conflict. Conflict is the air we breath and the water we swim in.

Get used to it. Embrace it and live for it because the ride doesn’t end.” – VD

That mother fucker spoke some real shit. He had been through some real shit. My spirit brother lite a fire in my ass.

It took a while to fully compute. Even now I’m still growing into the mindset.

My friends I ain’t telling you this shit to cry for me. You been through the shit test too. It’s what we do. Fuck despair and her bitch twin sister depression. Bitches didn’t do shit for me but try to suck me dry and stop me from planning my mother’s funeral and keeping me at a stand still when I had to move.

Fuck um. Fuck um both with a Iron rod no lube. I back hand those bitches now a days and put them in their fucking place under my boot and kissing my fucking toes.

I’m here to delight your day and make you life lighter at my silly ass. I find joy in that. Mere words can bless and provide warmth on a cold season in life and laughter for the soul sweet.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Holy shit crept keeper Joe is on a roll

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Holy shit!

Holy mother-fucking shit!

The fucking ride doesn’t end. I don’t know about you my friend but we are living in exciting times. No other country on this god forsaken planet can dream and hope and pray for a fucking crept keeper corpse to be the next president and be surprised when

Shit starts hitting the fan when we get what we asked for. Hey, I didn’t vote for the corpse and chief but fuck it. I’m in this shit with my fellow dumbass.

Mother fuckers are surprised they didn’t get the high prized hocker and cocain they were promised now that Big-T is out playing golf and sitting on a bed of money wondering what mother fucker will he sue first for liable.

Holy shit! That sound your hearing is me shitting myself with laughter. Please sweet Jesus let the fucker live for two more years. I need some joy in my life.

I’m sitting in a financial depression and surrounded by a confederacy of dunces that can’t see it.

[Ten points to my book nerd family if you guessed the reference correctly.]

Holy shit!

No.

Hot damn! What a time to be alive.

We live in a time of historical events. A time of testing and a time we few, we proud and inheritors of the rebel blood of independent soldiers get the shit test.

In other words, get some balls and strap in and ride this mother fucker until the wheels come off.

[A hundred points to my comedy family if you get the last line.]

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

An Ode to the Mac a true King (comedy)

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Alright. I don’t hate anybody BUT one mother-fucking dude rides the mother-fucking line for me.

Jack mother-fucking Dorsey. We’ll get to my mother-fucking opinion about the shithole that is twitter later.

Jack mother-fucking Dorsey. This Mother-fucker is a straight up gangster bitch my dude.

Whatever your feelings about big-T I don’t give a damn you’ve probably already expressed yourself so let me express my mother-fucking self.

Fucking mother-fucking pussy grabbing legend. Your fucking grandchildren will be at your fucking knees asking you if he really grabbed a shorty’s pussy and the mother-fucking shit will still be funny.

Anyway, back to Jack mother-fucking  Dorsey. This Mother-fucker can shut down a President’s voice to the mother fucking people and keep the normies from ever finding out that your mother-fucking government is fucking your mother-fucking unborn child’s future nice and tender.

Add on to that mother-fucking shit. This mother-fucker got mother-fucking kiddo porn shit on the back end along with legitimate adult porn star profiles and ugly nudist on his mother-fucking shit pool site.

This is the mother-fucking shit pool Jack mother-fucking Dorsey swims in and your mother-fucking teenagers will probably never see.

Newsflash: YouTube and Twitter are two old fucks one breath away from one last shit. What teenager will be on these two shits in the next ten years. I could be mother-fucking wrong. Yet the shit smell from Twitter’s adult doper is smelling.

Still Jack mother-fucking Dorsey will get away with his mother-fucking shit. The one mother-fucking joy I get is Jack mother-fucking Dorsey will see his shit business model die one day when Cocain Pimp Democrats and the stable of GOP hoes will get tired of the shit one day and say fuck it and nuke his fucking business in a day.

Now…if your wondering who the mother-fucking Mac Daddy King of comedy is your to short for this ride. I ain’t explaining shit to you. All you old heads give me a mother-fucking like and get your glasses up for the OG king of Comedy. The wordsmith and harold of comic gold to this day undefeated.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

Okay let’s face it YouTube is an old fuck dying on the shitter. (Comedy)

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Hold on!

Don’t shoot the messenger. I’m an old fuck myself but YouTube holy holy

Holy fucking shit is that bitch looking like an old whore on her last dick to sit on.

First of all. The mother fucking commercials, my dude. You will say well you could get YouTube Red my dude. No commercials.

Ah my dude. I watch my favorite channels on Bitchute and every other place on the internet. No commercials.  No bullshit boner pill commercials or adds asking me if I know about squarespace.

Fucking bullshit. That’s the problem. I can’t watch a video without the “content creator” telling me about an algorithm or YouTube pulling down channels that don’t kiss the pimp ring of Pimp Cocain Mac Daddy DNC.

The fucking bullshit ride never ends. Shilling is the past time of the modern day YouTube propaganda entertainment machine. My information and attention is the cash I pay with.

I don’t give a damn. Mother fucker entertain me at least. I thought this was the agreement between YouTube and me.

Fucking hell. Propaganda used to be about hiding the shit by being entertaining enough.

Yes. Yes. I am ranting. Hold my beer a second.

Damn it to hell and back. YouTube is old on it’s death legs my dude. It’s a damn fucking shame. I used to rock with it hard but now fuck me running I’m getting fucking bored of the site.

[Cobra Kai not with standing. Great show I don’t give two shits about and I watched every Karate Kid movie. I earned my nerd points.]

Let me summarize this shit.

1) commercials

2) Shilling on videos

3) dumbass suck at propaganda.

4) I’m older then YouTube and even have moments when I want to take the old girl out to the back of the barn and put her down with a shot gun.

Pause.

Does any of this sound like the ridiculous ramblings of an old ass fuck. Well it’s intentional. I’m just fucking with you.

Come on my dude. Come on my guy. I knew you weren’t fooled but I damn sure got some dumbass half way through this post angry about my  “hate posting” about YouTube. Get the fuck out of here.

Hot damn! I’m good. Give me a like if you found this shit funny. I fucking did.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

fahrenheit 451 scared the shit out of me as a kid (book nerd shit)

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Back in the late 90s early 2000s (yeah I know I’m old as fuck) and the hey day of the internet when that asshole finally started walking and shitting himself

I was a young writer still learning the craft from the classics I borrowed from the library. I was mostly a snack reader at the time. Nibbling on mysteries and Urban raw dog fiction.

I was still on my quest to read the top 100 list of great books. I had finished five books on the list and nibbled on ten. I finally made the mistake of reading fahrenheit 451.

I knew fuck all about the story, movies and prophetic quality of the story. It was on the list so I went for it.

I was I think seventeen at the time on my first reading. I got to the half way point of the book and sent that shit back to the library and spent the next three years thinking on that shit and looking at my Television as a secret enemy out to fuck me over.

I’m being deadass [when in the fucking hell did people stop adding serious to dead-ass serious. This shit is news to me. Now I know I’m an old fuck] with you. I put that shit down and thought on it for a couple of years. That shit fucked with me.

Never in my life had anybody told me or hinted at the purpose of entertainment could go beyond making people happy. Television = mind fucking you into submission.

I eventually got back to the book and finished it. It was weird shit though. I remembered the fucking page I stopped on and everything previous to that moment.

Fast foreward today. That book was tame. Ray Bradbury was correct on the shit but didn’t see the internet coming. Internet × Television = mind fucked squared.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Holy mind fucking shit.

Yeah. I have no idea where I was going with this post. I just wanted to share a moment in life when a book fucked me out of the matrix or simulation we’re all in.

Fucking hell. God bless you for reading this far into the rabbit hole of my silly shit.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

An Ode to Door Dash

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I can craft a meal in the kitchen. I can cook chicken and wild rice that have the panties down in two seconds. But, why go through that bullshit my friend when DoorDash is a true friend indeed.

In the morning, I order some IHOP double decker pancakes from my bed. No pants required. No fucks given.

It arrives at my door my deliever has my shit and says a friendly”Good morning, Sir.” And “enjoy your meal.”

Hot damn!

I don’t get that much respect from half my bosses at work that give me the evil eye because my mask isn’t covering my whole fucking face. Motherfuckers trying to push me to the breaking point. They might find my foot breaking in their collective asses.

But,

I been there done that. I got the bullet wound and middle finger up to that bitch fate.

Pause!

Doordash. Morning, noon and night. My steady friend. My one true reliable source of comfort. Civil unrest is at my door. Crept keeper Joe is on the war path try to please the demons’ whispering in his head. Trouble is the phantom with two 45s. in the room.

Doordash. Oh sweet Doordash. If a warm meal wasn’t enough you also provide Krispy cream dounuts two dozen and more at my desired request.

Hot damn. Bitterness of life and sweetness of sugar induced delight. My god what a country. Hot damn! What a time to be alive.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

Fuck Disney with an Iron rod no lube (comedy)

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Fuck Disney. Well 21st century shithole Disney at least the jury is still out on 90s Disney.

I fucking hate Disney. Just thinking about Beauty and the Beast. Fucking Mullan?!

Fucking bitch ass company.

No it ain’t because of star wars Disney shit edition movies or the fifty hundred marvel comic movies…

Wait. Fuck it. I changed my mind it’s all that shit rolled into one horse shit hill of domonic proportions issue. The one thing no fucking stars fan gives a damn about really.

The John Boyega connondrum.

It’s an old story but the shit never gets old for me.

I’m not going to say the word because in general the word has lost it’s power. So I’ll say marketing Issue.

Let’s go back in time to the year of our Obama, 2015.

Disney’s a cheap whore that’s been after big daddy China money. They had a new movie from a classic series.

Star Wars. The force awakens

Here’s my review: watch A New Hope.

Anyway, Disney had a problem though. A marketing Issue. Big Daddy C has a marketing Issue with the Blacks. Disney being understanding and willing to take it in the ass calmly did a marketing plan to down play a cast member in the posters and commercials. I mean you don’t want to be offensive to a culture that doesn’t like the Blacks. It would be a marketing Issue.

Now Disney the whore that she is carried on her plan for the rest of the shit show of three movies.

It is what it is. You know.

The more things change the more bullshiters still go on bullshitting.

I would be angry if I didn’t see a little dark humor in all of it. I do. You can’t yell at the moon and demand it glow with pink and blue stripes. Still though.

Fuck Disney. Fuck their movies and fuck frozen one and two.

Let it go! Holy shit!!

In a previous job life I had to sit in a room of kids and hear that fucking song twice in one day.

Damn I’m getting PSD flashbacks. Fuck it. For that fucking song alone I can feel my blood start boil.

I deserve a like or a damn laugh out of you for this shit. This is prime material.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

We’re living in an age of illiteracy my friends. You know what that means? Mother-fucking books cheap. Still winning!

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You know growing up in the 90s (yeah I’m an old fart) I wanted to a author. A bestseller. A scholar in the modern age. I had dreams of making my way in the world.

Fast foreward to today. Video streaming is king and podcasts are how people absorb information. Reading books for pleasure is a by gone era in the post information age.

I’m not excluded from the degeneration. I like the occasional podcast and I view a Youtube video on the regular. Though in all honesty YouTube is going into the shitter. I’ll save my reasoning for another time.

The brilliance of living in a post literacy age is the opportunity of books being on the cheap.

As crappy is Amazon for the writer in making money for the reader it is a gold mine of richness for the wondering book nerd on a need for a fix for Sherlock Holmes collections and new writer’s with interesting takes on classic fiction and bondage fantasies. The choices aren’t limited they are endless….

Yep.

Granted the gems are buried under a hill of elephant shit with fucked up ten thousand flavors of I dream of a big dick asshole with a heart of gold and wallet filled condoms.

ULTRA COMBO!!

What the hell was I talking about??

Oh! Yeah. Mother fucker, books are cheap. The normies are all watching seventeen commercials about dick pills and the crept keeper’s new world domination plans on one YouTube/TV channel with seven minutes of content.

The road is clear to build a giant library of books. Digital shit I consider pocket money physical books is cold hard gold bars.

I have my little stores and my thrift bookstores online.  So many bargins. So many choices. Supplies are limited demand isn’t high and the prize is just around my wallet range. I pickup my pre-orders occasionally and a graphic novel when I’m feeling dirty.

Hot damn! What a time to alive!

That’s it.

Yeah. I wanted to be a big time author and scholar. Didn’t turn out so well but fuck that noise. I damn sure can build a scholar’s library because in case you haven’t heard me yet….

MOTHER FUCKING BOOKS ARE CHEAP….

Warm Regards,

Guardian

Holy shit balls we are in a cvil war (comedy)

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So Big T is out of office and Crept Keeper Joe has moved his casket into the white house. Have people on the moaning cocain blue side stopped bitching?

Haha…ah no. That’s hell no. Still moaning and still going after Big T.

This is the great divide my friends (those that are laughing at my silly ass.) This is the great divide of those that get laid and those that write mean posts on Twitter.

Blackpillers and Blue dog howlers are still shitting the bed over nothing. This is boredom of modern life. Orange man bad = my life sucks.

A tyrant has been removed?! A country saved! Fuck out here with that noise my dude. My taxes will be going up and already the crept keeper is talking about sending people to war in Iran for the next eighty years.

Pause!

What the hell is it with The Loser GOPs and cocain Democrats sexual addiction to WAR? Is it enough both of them are stealing from our pockets. Shit on a cracker. Why do these people hate us so much? Damn. Sad son of a bitches.

Fuck it. I don’t give a damn anymore. It’ll saddle itself out. I’m being real and guess what I’m not even angry.

Hope for tomorrow is never wrong. Hope for the sun to shine again is never foolhardy. If you can breath today smile. If you have a child with your smile you are blessed. If you can laugh even in the darkest time with warmth and comfort that you will survive to the next day that is a blessing indeed.

Laughter is a delight. Friends are a keep sake. I’m honestly waiting for the payoff to the comedy of these crazy modern times.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

Days gone dog

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Hello,

It’s been more then a minute and months sense my last post. Reasons being I lost my way a bit and couldn’t find the motivations to publish blogs any longer. I kept writing but the motivation.

Death, loss and pain. That has been the spice and black-pills for me. Now I’m done with that. New era and new changes.

A lot of changes. Good and bad changes in the world. I find it all funny some how and I want to make people laugh and enjoy words and life for it’s puzzling and complicated moments.

I found my motivation. I’ll be bustling the blog as my job. You, the reader are my customer to delight and enchant for today.

This blog will be my street corner. For the would be traveler on the roads of the interwebs. I’ll treat you to a laugh, a smile or whimsical time and place to breath from a world of mad derangement.

The days have gone to the dogs. A division is present. Two waves of opinions. Two roads divided.

Conflict. I used to find it frightening. Now I breath it in like cotton candy vap juice and exhale red smoke and smooth dreamy vibes. I’m dogmatic and hard headed to fight in the shade of the arrows of despair with a smile and a butter knife in my hand.

I encourage you if your feeling low to embrace the same gusto my friend.

Warm Regards,

L. M. Parker

Or

Guardiandogg

Update 2024

Welcome to the days gone Dogg.

I am your host and the artist known as

GuardianDogg.

The ride doesn’t end and my sense of humor has only been feed and gotten a little darker then I thought it would. This blog is the landscape for my realm of dreams and fictional experiments and my journey in to the wonderful world of the current era of the…..

IRON AGE of the 21st century Americana artists.

I’m just adding up the points now and having a lot of fun. Things are heating up. It’s an election year, wars popping up all the world, Financial woes and over inflation of assholes.

Hmm. Let’s go!

I’m feeling hot damn grateful to be alive and inspired to kick some ass. Get your butter knives up and join me on the creatives journey.