Tag: funny

I’m dreaming again…read to the end. Your welcome.

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That’s a weird statement. Don’t we all dream when we sleep? When I was younger my dreams long or my dreams were often detailed stories and fantasy worlds of mystery and weirdness. Dreaming is part of in part the reason I wanted to be a writer.

My uncle and family would often get tired of listening to me tell a long was dream about rope bridge cities that lead to dystopian roaring 1920’s city state countries.

It was part having a wild imagination as kid and part reading stories often.

But, I spent 2020 in a daze of dark daylight nightmares. I kept having the same dream and I wished I could dream something else. Then I couldn’t dream at all until recently.

It might be because I’m reading more again. I really did miss reading books. It’s still the best entertainment value of these modern times of a confederation of dunuces.

I really do mean it. Woe. I’m having a passing thought for these strange times of the sparkle of the West has lost it’s shine it seems for the moment.

I ponder. I weigh the decisions and immortality of a generation long sense loss to its own hubris. I am lost in thought. For every boomer that rides a motorcycle and points a finger at the X,Y and Z generations that have suffered from their decisions and laughter at out how poor we are and how great they are…I am watchful.

I contemplate their hour. I have dreams of peaceful sleep for the less voiceful ones and few gems. My grandma was one. She wasn’t perfect but she accepted me for who I am and was truthful with me. She believed in me and my dreams. But, for the jackasses that laugh at us that did no part to help us. Worse yet they think they have a right to put us down or judge us and show off their wealth and selfish living. I have a dream. I have a dream of a pillow and a not so peaceful sleep.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

P. S.

You weren’t the greatest generation boomer. You are bunch of selfish assholes that ride motorcycles. The day of the pillow is coming.

To a female that has had eight blood Ritual Sacrifices. Why do you need validation.

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If your new here this is the link to what a Blood Ritual Sacrifice is.

Now some well meaning people call for understanding and encouragement for female cult worshipers that engage in Blood Ritual Sacrifices to be handled with care and love. I’ve seen pussies that don’t like blood ritual sacrifices that advise modern thinking non pegans to be encouraging and not make fun of female cult worshipers or be mean to them. So they can convince people that engage in pegan cult rituals are weird.

Fuck that pussy shit. The minute you become an adult or have the option to choose who lives and dies you don’t deserve kid gloves. I got questions and thoughts about it from a non cult perspective.

I mean it’s legal and on demand in the post rational and truth 1st world shit holes. So you can have it your way big mac style but why the fuck does a female cult worshipper need validation for sacrificing a human life on a pagen chair of the worship of ego and hubris?

Come on my dude. The fucking balls on a female cult worshipper that says she has a right to sacrifice a human being because she forgot how humans are created is laughable. The excuse that it was a slip up and her plans for college or she can’t afford to take care of “it”.

Holy shit. The cult like thinking of turning babies into monsters in their woams in their fucking minds. The fucking brain washing.

Hey, I was a victim of the shit myself until I started thinking about it and saw the shit. It’s the old game of dehumanizing for the reason of personal gain or to terminate for the glorification of female cult hubris.

There is a comedy in this shit. Think about it. A female cult worshipper has to have a reason to terminate a human so that she can gain something from her god…

Now who is her god? Herself or more to the point the female gender.

Have you ever heard a beta bitch male worshipper defend this shit? It’s always from the view point that the female has the superior right, knowledge and will over the males in the production of humans.

Holy shit. The production of humans?

They think this way. Listen to them. I heard a dude named Nick Cannon speaking this cult talk shit once and it always sounds weird. Off.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

P. S.

My solution for females that think humans are “its” is for them to have sex with dudes that can’t have children. Problem solved. Though that would be the end to cult worship.

Kwame Brown? The strange case of a man responding back to rich celebrity assholes that fuck with him for no reason out of nowhere.

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Look the shit. I’m going to summarize.

Ex-nba dude KB gets thrown shade by celebrity ex-nba dudes on tv about his career.

KB responds back. Ex-nba dudes shit themselves and call him an angry black rambo.

Some dude on a radio show throws his hat in the conversation because reasons. He tries to “defend” KB by calling him an angry Black dude from an angry black family.

KB respond back to Radio show host by exposing Radio Show host’s past habit of doing the dirty maybe, possible with a 15 year old girl. Though there was a court case and he got off.

Anyway, the shit keeps getting deeper and deeper. Because, once again all the shit started because assholes keep fucking with KB and he just responds back.

The easiest solution is the assholes to apologize right???

Radio show host apologies. But, you know it’s one of those pet on the head apologies.

Example

“Listen dude. I was having a laugh at your family and your people and pissing on your charecter and I’m sorry you became an angry black dude about it. I’m really sorry and your a good dude. A really good dude. Sorry. We good now right?

I find the shit amazing. It’s a study in bullshit reasoning, magic nonsense logic and rich assholes trying to shit on a dude with BIG DICK ENERGY that isn’t having it.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

P.S.

Dude is young enough to be my son. I am an old fuck.

Update: He’s older then me. I am a dumbass.

I saw two archetypes in Black Panther (2018) the traditionalist and Attila the Hun.

guardiandogg1 Comment

Art is subjective bullshit. Any meaning you gather from the shit is always connected to who you are and where you come from. Yet the historical repeating patterns in the movie still haunt me years later.

The ethnic traditional male that wants to preserve his culture and it’s traditions and Attila the Hun the male that wants to conquer the fucking world. For reasons???

Yet, is that altogether the truth. No. Again it’s subjective. I love my skin folk but looking at that movie and remembering the shit.

Yeah. I can’t see it any other way. Attila the Hun was the rightful ruler. He beat the defender of the tribe and it’s traditions. He had the right to burn it all down and he did. Attila the Hun did not give a damn about the future of his father’s nation. He didn’t give a fuck about roots or history. He wanted to conquer the fucking world. Rightly he could and rightly he would burn it all down and conquer the world in the traditions of Stalin, Hitler, the American Empire and the top dog dictators of today.

So what? The traditionalist should die? The traditionlist should just bow down and let his nation be turned into a dumpster fire empire. The traditionlist should accept bullshit reasoning?

Fathers & sons.

The traditionalist was taught by his father he had a duty to defend the traditions and honor of his people. Attila the Hun honored his father by seeking to conquer the fucking world. For reasons??

You know what camp I fall in and you damn sure know I wouldn’t be merciful to my kin folk for trying to set fire to my family business to get the insurance so he could open strip clubs to put my cousins through college and to get more customers for his cocain side hustle.

Bitch please. I don’t give a fuck about your reasons. You need to give me a reason not to throw a tomahawk at your head coming at me with that bullshit.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

P. S.

I don’t hate Kill monger. I understand his rage. But, what the fuck would you do if a dude tried to convince you to tell your sister to sell her body to a rich dude so that the dude would invest in the family business so we could get paid and gain political power. Some men answer such a suggestion with a fist or a hail storm of bullets. Me. I’m a traditional man. I carry a sword.

Am I Black Piller? Na’aw son. I just don’t believe fairy tales like functioning US government

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Real talk. This shit imagination land government I’m in right now I can’t take the shit seriously.

To my Highlander American bad ass soul I hated Bush Jr with a passion for a 5’5 shorty with a smile and no clothes on lying on a table.

But, at least that fucker had a functioning government. War machine shit storm that it was it worked. For me everybody else is living in a dream when they take the Crept Keeper and Chief to the Army of the pirates of the Caribbean seriously.

I can’t my dude. I am a dude with a world making imagination but I just can’t take the shit serious.

I’m waiting the next four years out when this shit dream everybody is on comes to an end. I’m working on getting stronger, getting a car and buying two twin 1911s and a sharp shooting rifle.

No. I’m not the murdering type. I live in Texas though and you never know when might have to put down a wild animal or a Jackel or two.

Anyway, I just can’t fucking believe in a never never land United States government that ain’t there my dude. I can fake it to get a long with people hocked on the dream but I can’t trust it or believe it because I know dreams. That shit comes to an end and the real world ain’t no joke.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Brainstorming session…Digimon, bullshiting friends and a dude who stutters…

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Could be funny or not..mix

Alright the shit started in the fucking late 1990s early 2000s. Some mother fucking wizard opened a damn portal to another universe with a fucking spell trying to get a slut demon. Dumb ass ended up bringing in five foot size monsters from the fucking digital world.

Mother fucker also fucked up the laws of space and time as well. The universe had to reset itself and mix histories to put the shit in ballance. We didn’t find out this shit until SageMon came to earth and revealed it. That’s another story though.

I was a fucking kid at the time when the Digimon arrived and for some strange reason of fate, magic bullshit I don’t know they fit in. They became the new pets or fashion of the early 2000s. It fucking felt like they had always been here as did the fucking battles.

Anyway, me, Earl and Jena and Tai had a pet Digimon. Tai was the quiet one with a bad stutter but that fool was crazy about Digimon. He had a Leomon we called Iron fist.

Earl, and Jenna had Angemon and always argued about who was the stronger fighter between the two.

Me and my Buddy ArguMon stayed out of the shit. The shit usually didn’t lead to anything until the summer of 06 shit got real.

We were in the park walking to an outdoor battle of Digimon. We never made it. Fucking Earl and Jena were getting in to the shit along with their Digimon.

A fucking lighting bolt came out the sky hitting us and these weird devices were in our hands.

They started to glow. Digimon B flashed on the LCD screens.

“DDDIGI”

Fucking Tai started stuttering bad. We looked at him as he pointed at the screen on his device and pointed at Earl and Jena.

“DDDIGIMON DIGI BATTLE! DIGIMON DIGIBATTLE.”

Fucking Tai was losing his shit and then we heard it. It was the fucking battle song for a digi battle coming through our devices.

DIGIMON. DIGITAL MONSTERS. DIGITAL BATTLE CHAMPIONS! DIGIMON. DIGITAL MONSTERS. DIGITAL BATTLE CHAMPIONS.

Earl and Jena faced each other. These two dumbasses were going to do it. Go into a amature bout over some bullshit.

“Let’s go mother fucker.” Jena said.

“You got it Bitch. Digimon battle ready go.”

“Angemon divine holy fist.” The dumbasses commanded their Digimon.

I wish I can tell you it was an epic battle but come on my dude that wouldn’t be me. The fucking dumbasses canceled out each others attacks and de-evoled their Digimon.

The best part of that fight and afterward was Tai losing his shit singing that damn song all day my dude….

Did those two grow out of that shit…fuck no those two dumbasses are married with two kids and still digimon battling in the streets my dude.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Real talk. There is a value in wanting to question shit to determine if it is bullshit.

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As I grew older I find it a given that I like to question shit. It’s some times helpful to learn something new from a question being answered.

In any regard it keeps me sharp and thinking about where’s the bullshit or at least I find out some funny new or confirmed truth about life.

Tip. If you question a dude about some belief he holds to fact and goes into rage mode out of nowehere not only is it funny it’s a sure sign your talking to a bullshiter.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Alright a word on the vaccines… where the fuck are the science logs?

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Real talk. If your an adult and you’ve researched the vaccine you want to take because your concerned about Covid…okay. It’s your life. I got one question though….

Where the fuck is the science data behind any of the vaccines?

This is not a none question to say fuck you. No. Real talk. It’s a real question. If you can answer it thank you. If your answer is fuck you. Well fuck you too.

Let’s take pfizer for example. Here are my questions.

Where are the trial data studies? Where are the scientific papers detailing failures and successes in the making of pfizer?

Who were the doctors and researchers? How long did it take them to design a vaccine to combat the virus?

What the hell is the vaccine? Why is it reliable compared to others? Why is it better? How did they manage to engineer the vaccine this short amount of time? How could they design a vaccine sense it has not been isloated? Covid went pandemic. It’s world wide.

Is it a vaccine?

I just have questions. I would be thankful for answers. I have a passing interest to know. I want to read articles by scientists who deleveloped it. This is not a dig or clever smart boy shitting around. I can’t find the shit.

I’m not a smart boy. I’m your average dumbass walking. Please. For the love of sweet Jesus tell me where this shit is.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Holy shit. I got nothing but this funny ass video..I call it the internal dumpster fire of a dumbass

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The video Holy shit. The Doctor is on point. I have known one or two dumbasses in my life who have this dumbass tick of saying shit because they couldn’t stop saying shit.

Holy balls.

He speaks without thinking. He feels the need to say what’s in his heart. He is gamma gamma mother fucking bitch and needs the world to know and understand….

He is right.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Cyberpunk morning 12

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Word was out the Yellow Demon was coming for Demon Ross and one fixer had plans to make sure he got him….

Chapter 2

Owen

I stood in Eddie’s garage along with his bandmates and Miss James listening in from my detapad. Eddie folded his arms across his chest after I told him the news that the Yellow Demon was going after Ross. Cash was already maping out the building and a plan of attack in the next 48 hours. The time table was tight but it could and would be done.

“What the fuck difference does it make to us Sigma? We ain’t in the business of getting involved in other people’s business.”

I stared at him. “I need 50 credits and your best man to make sure the job gets done.”

Eddie laughed while the others were quiet. He put on a good front. “You want us to pay you to handle a job we don’t give a shit about?”

I shook my head. “I’m a fixer. I handle jobs so you don’t have to give a shit about it. Ross is selling children to Jackels in your city. The boy isn’t the only child he’s selling tomorrow night. I need 60 credits and a champion on loan to make sure the job is done.”

Gino stepped up. “You said 50.”

“The number goes up the longer you royal assholes keep bullshiting me. You all got family and ties to the nomads that run deep. I know about nomad laws on finding a Jackel. Your not warriors or generals. You’ll only get in the way of my plans.”

“Again. I’m missing the reason we should pay you to kill some piece of shit Jackel.” Eddie said again trying to bullshit us.

“80 credits.” Miss James said from the intercom of my detapad. “Ross needs to be removed by perfessionals such as my husband. We are awhere of your plans. It is not necessary and besides the point we have nomad legal right to first kill. He is a threat to my future children.”

I kept my smile back. Miss James was pulling the right cards and emotions.

Eddie held up a hand stopping the others from talking. He looked at me. “100 credits and make sure every Jackel that comes to that auction dies. If you only get Ross it will be 80 credits. You get one champion as a sniper. Yellow Demon gets a clear path to a honor kill. Deal.” He said holding out his hand.

I grasped his hand in a firm shake. “Thanks for letting me handle it. I don’t mean any disrespect to you. But, we can’t afford him to get away. He’s gotten to big but he’ll have a plan to slip away.”

Eddie and let go my hand. “I know. It wasn’t right what he said about your old lady. In the badlands my wife’s people would have killed him on sight for saying it. So would I. It wouldn’t matter to me if said the shit about my kid or someone else’s. You’ve got a lot patience.”

I shook my head. “Not at all. He knew who was saying that shit to and what I would do to him. He said it because he thought he was untouchable. But, really it’s a simple matter of business. Him being alive is a distraction for me but I also have to kill the people backing him so my representation stands. I am not to be fucked with in regards to my money and Miss James or any children we may or may not have. He now owes me his life and now I intend to collect payment. I’ll handle it. You handle bringing out a new album. It’s been to long already.”

Eddie smiled and waved me out. I surprised him with a formal bow and turned and left the way I came in.

I looked at my detapad and saw I had one last message from Miss James.

I expect payment of a child from this partnership. A million credits is deposited in your account for the job thank you.

I smiled oh she just had to make sure I didn’t attempt to play the white knight for her honor. Damnnation she was forever making our arrangement interesting.

Holy shit my dude. This shit is heating up quick….

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg.

If a bitch calls you too nice that means she doesn’t want you to fuck anyone including her. #badasstheories

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I learned that shit from Tupac Shakur. Being a man ain’t about being nice. Some of us can be the Chad and some us can be Mr. Delta.

But…

You have to be, you must be a mother fucking bad ass man.

History is unforgiving and proves without a doubt that bad asses conquered and fucked as many women as they could and as many threw themselves at them.

Am I saying you have to be an asshole?

No.

I’m saying any man that will stand in the face of sea beast blued haired bitch and tell her “no. You move.” Is a bad ass.

Likewise. If a fine ass female gives a dude the female bullshit special edition treatment with shade thrown at his father and grandmother. If he stands there and stares at her and then he calmly tells her…

“Yeah. You can pack your shit and get the fuck out now. You crossed the fucking line bitch. I told you never talk shit about my big momma.”

These are the words of a bad ass.

Okay. What a good Christian man? What would he say to a bitch that tried to “reason” with him about his biblical way of life and belief that rapists should be aborted. What would he say?

“I don’t care what you say about the matter. I don’t care how you think about the matter. I told you what I believe that saddles it. I’m not going to change my beliefs because your insulting them and me. I see your going to be argumentive about this so why don’t I leave sense you appear to be not in control of your emotions.” He says and then turns and walks away as she’s talking to him and cursing him out.

Holy shit. That’s some cold bad ass shit my dude. You see there is punch to the face line and then there is a cold logical stab to the brain line. But anyway you do it. This is bad ass behavior. This is why you need to be, you have to be a mother fucking bad ass.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg