Month: January 2021

You know twitter is a lovely site (comedy)

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It isn’t nice to go on a website and…

I can’t do it. I was planning on bullshiting all the way through this shit with a nut busting line at the end.

Fuck all that noise. I fucking hate twitter. I do. It ain’t the shit. It’s a mother fucking shit pool of everyone elses shit. It’s a wasteland of female bullshit and absolutely dick picks and hell. Pure hell.

The one fucking rule they had from the jump was you can say whatever you want and put up almost anything you want but that’s bullshit to. You can be a shit head as long as your not on the wrong end of the wrong political party.

Holy fucking shit.

I can’t stand it. I had to shut my shit down. I couldn’t stand hearing the stupid rambling thoughts of people that didn’t know shit talking about shit that don’t know about. It’s a fucking shithole.

The market place of ideas?!

Holy shit.

The digital townhall for hearing from celebrities and politicians??!

Holy shit!!

That’s some grade-A bullshit. Still you got smart people on the shit only because they want to be in garbage dump of shit fighting against assholes that don’t give a shit.

Holy shit! Wait? What the fuck is smart about fighting in shit against shit heads?

Fuck it. To each his own shit or whatever.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

The phantom: Legazy & The Law (book nerd shit)

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I rock with the phantom my dude. Purple jump suit and 1911s at his sides my dude. I just got a recent graphic novel that is a two book combo in one.

Legazy is mixture of stylish art with a depiction of a story I love dearly. The script and poetic pose of the character telling the story is delious poetry for the lyrical junky and for the bard’s soul it’s rich in song and rhythm.

True magical storytelling.

The story is classic and original. One man dawning his own destiny with a vow on the dead scowl of the bastard that killed his father cold. One man vows to take up the cause to fight piracy, greed, and injustice. On the sea sores of a beach of his destiny he vows and does craft is own true immortal destiny.

Real shit.

The second book The Law is a interesting tale. Told from the prospective of the phantom’s would be enemy.

Again, rich in poetry and melodies for the internal ear to hear. Delicious in creative pose and a nice change of pace for customed hero. A legend of timeless treasure.

I got it on the cheap surprisingly on Amazon. However, the quality of the printing makes me think it was previously owned by a knockoff version of a true book nerd.

It’s sown and heavyly glued. Sown quality is okay. The glue is the only thing holding the book together properly. Again for the price you get what you get. However if I had the means I would get it bound in cowhide leather and sown properly better.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

GOP hoe theories: Mike Pence is a dumbass hoe

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Yeah.

I’ve been thinking on this shit a lot lately. Now for those not in the know. A GOP hoe is a mother fucker that will say he’s defending the rights of the people on his team. But what this bitch will do when the time comes to act will do contray to they said they will do.

Call a spade a spade my dude. You got a dude at work you work with. You need a ride to work one morning because the car don’t work. You ask him for a ride. He says sure. But his ass don’t show up.

You make it to work some how and ask him about it. He gives you an excuse sounds solid but the bullshit radar is up now.

You get into another jam. Same thing and the bitch don’t show up even after he gave you his word. You find out later he’s friends with some asshole you don’t rock with at work and the asshole told your “friend” to fuck with you. Do you get me?

Mike Pence is a bitch ass hoe for big Daddy Pimp DNC. It’s the hoeing business you see. Those in the business and those getting the business the suckers and johns and those watching the shit for what it is my dude. I mean come on would you trust a dude that turned on a dime against his own supposed “boss”?

Get the fuck out of here my dude.

Us vs them. The elites vs the peasant class. You on my team if your getting fucked in taxes or your son and my son are sent to another fucking war for someone’s sexual addiction. The more things change….well you know the rest.

Mike Pence isn’t a turn coat shit bag. He’s dumbass hoe working in the hoeing business.

Hot damn. The first funny dumbass shit of the year. More will be coming.

It was something to see. You need to know what a dude will do if you get jammed up in a corner. Will he be in the shit with you or will he turn and stab you in side my dude for favor or some silver. Real talk.

Traitors are bitches. You know it. I know it. Jesus knew it when the fucker dipped his bread in his cup my dude. That bitch looked the Lord in the eye and ran like bitch in the night to get that silver my dude.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

The Ip man series of movies is the shit..baring the shine against white folks

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I can’t get over how enjoyable those movies are. As a martial arts fan in general I love the dance and by play of the mix of styles and presentations.

The history…well I could give two shits about. It’s got some bullshit in the movies and some creative license with notion of ever white dude from America being a hulking giant with super human strength.

I see that shit as the comical side of things. If you take it as comedy. Holy shit is that stuff funny as hell.

Danny Yang is straight star my dude. I’ve watched his other shit and he owns his roles and takes the art of action star premium big dick style.

Awesome dude.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

The 5’11 puerto rican Chad at work

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I have new manager at work. Well he’s an old manager from another manager from a previous shift I worked.

He’s the typical chad and a dude that respects the group over him but demands and commands obedience.

Good looking. Check.

Gusto and charm. Check.

Looks you in the eye and smiles all the damn time and only gets pissed if well your an asshole.

He’s a dude without a hint of gamma, gamma mother fucking bitch on him.

He’s puerto rican Cassinova chad. So you why he’s so damn confident.

Big dick energy my dude.

Not because he’s an asshole. It’s logical. The shit has to get done. That’s the mindset for a typical chad. They can be charming. They can flirt with a shorty the minute she comes around but overall. There about goals being met and shit getting done.

You can joke with him but don’t fuck with him because he’ll put your ass on notice clear you of any delusion. He ain’t no gamma, gamma mother fucking punk ass bitch.

I get on with him well. He respects me. I respect him. He’s even asked me if I thought of moving up the SSH. I’ve thought about but I achieved my goals for now and I’m always about doing my own thing. I get bored and I like to move.

Anyway, great dude. Fucker as the makings of running the damn company in ten years.

Warm, Regards

Guardiandogg

SSH or as I like to call it from chad to bitch ass simp

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The socio-sexual hierarchy inspired by Vox Day

The Chad sits at the top he is the leader and anker of the male group. He’s the jokerster, if there is a female around then he’s the dude that is charming the panties off a shorty with a smile and a grin. He isn’t a bad guy. He’s the guy everybody likes. The man looked to when the shit hits the fan to lead the men through the shit.

Notable mentions: Chadwick boseman (holy shit)

Bravo is second to the Chad in domance and leadership. He’s the wing man and the dude that can be counted on to to keep the order of the group and make sure the chad’s orders get done.

Mr. Delta is the middle man of a group. Able to follow orders and commands and demands respect in his field and effort for the group. Often the social able gentleman always up for the brothers at work to have a laugh at him.

Gamma Gamma mother fucking bitch. This asshole is the work place shit starter. When everyone is trying to get shit done this asshole is trying sniff shorties and piss off the Chad by being a trouble starting bitch. Holy shit.

Pause.

My guy have you ever been around a dude that just don’t want to get along. He got to say some fucked up shit on the sly and piss off the group because the dick head is jealous of the fucking chad’s hot ass wife.

Holy shit. This bitch ass is no end of trouble. The minute he’s caught in some bullshit of his own making this bitch ass tries to flip that shit on some one else and act like he’s the offended party and then trying to hit up the Delta’s wife on the low. Holy shit. This bitch is a shepherd for the devil. A male with a masters degree in female bullshit. Holy mother fucking shit.

Sigma. The quiet one. Often fucked with a little . temperamental failure in multiple shit tests. Expert in his field of study. You got to watch this dude and keep a distance because he smells like shit.

The Outsider. The lone wolf. The seducer of the females and the dominant figure people look to when the chad isn’t around.  He knows the SSH order of things but he don’t give a shit. He knows enough to not get muscled into the alpha position. Fuck that nosie he wants to do his own thing and not be fitted into a fucking box.

Pause.

This dude is a fucking mystery dude and he ain’t one to agree to be controlled or led by the alpha anywhere my dude. He does have a minor fault. If you see him beating the shit out of talkative, shit talking, trouble making asshole clown. You can bet money on that shit that it’s a gamma that he’s getting the business end of royal flush beat down.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

An Ode to the lone Star state of shit kickers and check cashers

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How bitter sweet is the air I breath? Bitter with the scent of conflict and self induced continuous internal battles.

I was born in the highlands of East Baltimore. Raised well into adult age in comfort and contentment. My homeland I have not seen well beyond a fortnights time.

I came here a dreamer with nightmares in my eyes and haunted days of fear behind me. I am a bard of sorrows journey.

Then one morning I arrived in the land of the lone star shit kickers and saw ranchers leading horses across the fucking road and I thought.

Holy shit. What fuck kind a place did I arrive in?

I kid you not my dude. Fucking horses being led across the highway. Holy shit.

That shit was a sign. I had just stepped into the lone star state my dude.

My tale is unfolding. My growth is continuing. Two and half years in the pussy I was seems like a lifetime ago. In this strange place of rough and real traditions and history of bold and iron I find myself a man.

This place of shit kicking cowboys of puerto rican Cassinova charmers. This place.

The West. This place where comedy and rhythm formed in my mind and I laugh and I do grieve the parting of my youthful innocents and I do welcome the gusto and embracing of my own path to manhood. On the lone star roads my feet walk to rhythm.

The road of conflict. The road of a ride that just doesn’t end.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

Hot damn! What a time to be alive thriftbooks.com is the shit. (Book nerd shit)

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Holy shit.

I’m getting up and getting ready for work my dude. Checking my email and looking through the fucking adds on my email account box.

Pause.

I got a love and fucking hate for adds in general on websites and email boxes. It fucking messes up the flow of the box and distracts you from looking up your shit.

However, I am book nerd as I say in the title and occasionally an add telling you about a sale on your favorite website can be helpful. I think of adds as helping you in a direction to buy what you want and when you want to buy it at best.

Case and point. I get a email from fucking amazon about some books I might be interested in.

Pause.

Amazon. Holy shit. I got a love and fucking take this bitch to the back of the barn and put this bitch down feeling about it. For a book nerd it’s a fucking gold mine of finding books and for a book nerd it’s a fucking bitch asshole with the rediculas unreasonable prices. A hundred dollars for a paperback that came out in 2013. Get the fuck out of here my dude.

In a post literally era that shit better be premium leather with a signature from Robert Frost on the back of it my dude. I’d pay top mother fucking dollar then. A paperback, not now or ever is worth a hundred dollars baring Robert Frost’s spit on it.

I come back to my point. I was in my email looking at an email from amazon for an author I was peeping at a few weeks ago. He had some titles that looked interesting. I clicked on and found one title that read like a fun ride. A noir action and adventure fantasy in a nineteen 30s new york type feel my dude. I like it. I rock that shit.

But it was a trilogy. I’m half and half on trilogies. The first better be the shit. I don’t like to get invested in a bullshit story from the jump with a bullshiting ending. Still I’m interested enough so I clicked on to the remaining books in the series. I stared at the prices.

Holy shit! A hundred dollars a piece!? Fuck out of here. I copy and past the author’s name unto Thriftbooks.com.

I find all that shit for under a hundred dollars. That’s what’s up my dude. I rock with that shit. I found this site a year ago and I’m going to buying from it more now my dude. Prices are decent. Collection of books is modest but great titles.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

Robinhood cucked to Wall Street gangsters faster then a whore on Bill Clinton’s dick

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Holy shit

Holy mother fucking shit.

This bitch ass company. This mother fucking bitch ass company got it’s first shit test and cucked like a mother fucking simp when a shorty smiles at them asks for a ride to her boyfriend’s house.

Holy shit.

A company named robinhood took the fucking ticket and gave up the panties too.

Holy shit.

I’m riding the line between pissed off to laughing my ass off this shit. I got fucking money in this bitch ass company. They just failed their first shit test. Damn. Hot damn.

How do you betray the fucking brand that’s in your fucking name. Robinhood didn’t bend over for elites and muscle the poor to let the elites change the fucking rules on us in a hot damn minute.

Holy shit!

Look this shit up my dude. I’m to busy ranting. It can’t be no other way around it. This is the dumbest fuck shit I’ve heard all year and bitch we still in January.

Hot damn! Hot damn! What a time to be alive.

Did you feel that?

I think the ride this year my friends is going to be the shit.

I can smell conflict and trouble. Ah shit. It tastes like fruity pebbles and and ice cold almond milk.

Holy shit! I’m getting excited ya’aw I knew this year was to quiet.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

High level bullshit: Politics from an American  Highlander’s prospective

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Politics in general is a bullshit game of those that do the fucking and those that get fucked from behind a table.

American politics for those not in the know is a bullshit game of illusion and deception. To the general public you have the deception of Democrats vs Republicans. The defenders of the poor and the evil big business assholes. There are clear binary lines. Between my team and your team.

Holy fucking shit!

Think about that shit. Has life ever been that fucking simple. Holy fucking shit.

Mother fucker it’s more like cocain pimp Democrats and their stable of loyal hoes vs the sucker they trying to hit up for capitalist transaction. Cocain Democrats keep their street agents in line and The stable of hoes make you believe you have a really big dick and they really hate their pimp and are trying to leave him and they really love you.

The rest are suckers or johns. Holy shit. There is more of a conflict/contrast between the crepts and the bloods fighting over a damn street corner my dude.

Contrasts

Grand Master pimp cocain Nacy Pelosia career politican. She has a masters in female bullshit and doctorate in the grifting game. Hey, no hate on my end. Look at her record my dude. She get her shit done and is a wealthy world class master of the political bullshit game my dude. Look her shit up that bitch will put Al Capone to shame.

Older then fucking Noah with power and money and still holding down a marriage for thirty plus years. Bitches need to take notes. A fucking old dirty OG.

Big T that dude is a fucking legend. He came into the bullshit game of politics simply by name alone and getting in when the Pimp cocain Democrats were counting their money and the stable of GOP hoes were taking a shit.

Big T revealed all that bullshit in the bullshit game of politics to the world and the suckers and Johns looked to the cocain pimps and stable of hoes GOP to find out if it was true.

Holy shit! Shorty said she loved me. She wouldn’t lie to me.

Get the fuck out here you damn simp.

You know the story. I’m a fucking highlander so I’ve seen it before. I’ll see it again. Still waiting for the punch line though. Everything is just to damn calm for me. I can taste conflict and fight in the air.

Hot damn! What a time to be alive.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg

I need some shit kicking boots my dude..

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I’ve been wearing sneakers for twenty plus years. I’ve had the occasional timberland ass kicking books but being around lone star shit kicking cowboys walking around in

Shit kicking boots I’m getting the itch for some. Immortal brown leather and hard leather heels.

I look down at my trusty and reliable but beat up New Ballance. Two years in mother fuckers. They feel good but don’t last long for shit. I’m tired of this shit.

I was at work and I saw a young 5’5 puerto rican Cassinova rocking some smooth looking shit kickers. Brown immortal leather aged with time and the countless shit tests of life. The boots looked like he got that shit handed down to him by his great grandfather, son. I was like, damn I’m jealous as fuck. I got to get me some of those.

I’m doing my research as we speak. I’m going all out. I want some shit kickers that can stand the test of ten years time and kick the shit out of life and some out of line asshole.

I’m going to treat myself for the next eighty years to some fine quailty control premium shit kicking boots.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg