Let’s take Tango & Cash, Legend of Zelda and cyberpunk brainstorming…part 2

Get ready. Mix.

Chapter 1

Cash

*Ding, Ding.*  *Ding, Ding.*

I came awake at the sound of my decker sending me a message. I rolled out of bed snatching my decker from my nightstand.

– Hyrule Castle under lock down. City watched. King Leo in trouble. All communications down. It’s Gannon. Meet me at the back entrance of castle. Bring your sword and shield. – Zelda

This situation needed the right armor. I went to my closet and I got what I needed. I dressed quickly in my stealth armor and went to my weapons safe and unlocked it with the pendant I got with the safe. The safe opened and the sword’s handle glowed. It was ready to kick some ass. I got it out and  put it over my shoulder. I stared at my hook shot. I just got the thing last week. I wondered if I would need it this go round with Gannon but I was better off being prepared for whatever.

I almost got killed last time by one of Gannon’s people for not being prepared enough for surprises. If Zelda hadn’t been there my ass would have been toasted. I picked it up and attached it to my combat belt side holster.

I headed out of my apartment picking up my ancient techno shield badge. By my door.

Outside it was raining lightly with a pale blue moon glowing over the city of Hyrule. The magic in my armor’s power banks came online as the lunar crystals took in the moonlight and absorbed the energy from the rain water into it’s energy conversion systems. The castle was twelve blocks away from my apartment building near the lost forest park. I thought again about taking my bike but I didn’t want to gain any notice so I took off running. My stealth armor helped me to make to the castle in a few minutes.

I made it to the back entrance of the castle but found a 6 foot tall robot was waiting for me. It came to life at my appearance and locked his combat rifle on me and fired.

Time slowed down as I was already getting my shield out and rebounded the lazer shot back at it. It took the shot and was electrified and exploded.

I checked my shield meter. I had five more rounds before it would be useless to me.

I snagged up the assault rifle the robot had and moved inside the gates to the garden inside. Where the fuck was Zelda?

My question was answered as I saw her cornered near the back entrance by two of Gannon’s Red ninja assassins.

The bad bitch was holding her own with her glock and light shield but she was getting tired.

Fired at the back of one ninja taking him down only to hear laughter behind. I rolled away losing the rifle and brought up my shield. I didn’t have enough time to rebound and the thing exploded after several direct shots.

The fucker came at me fast with a combat sword for my throat. I didn’t have enough time to draw my sword from my back so I dodged to my right drawing my hook shot and fired at his sword grabbing it from him. I took the sword and threw it at his chest.

He screamed as the blade sank in and then threw something down at his and went up in flames laughing. Holy shit. Sick fuckers. I holstered my hook shot.

I drew my sword and prepared to take out the other one but Zelda had already done so and threw me a rifle. I caught it with one hand as I put my sword away.

“Next time shot the asshole in the chest instead of grabbing his fucking weapon. Save the ninja moves for later when we’re in bed. Let’s go, Rookie.” She said and proceeded me inside the castle.

I sighed. She was going to be a pain in my ass for remainer of this raid on the castle. I smiled and headed inside.

Hmm. It’s okay. Needs more one lines though.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

I changed my mind. Unless your J.R.R Tolkien don’t explain magic bullshit.

Real talk. Fuck I say that a lot but real talk. Don’t write a book as a means to explain magic bullshit.

I’ve been thinking about this shit. George Lucas went wrong in one regard to motion picture Star Wars pre shit storm. He tried to explain magic bullshit.

I see this shit a lot now in fantasy movies and franchises that go to shit. You take a simple human story and then put on some fucking glasses and pretend you can over explain why Neo is the one.

Fuck that shit. Look. I ain’t the great late Robert Frost or the shit kicking genius that wrote the script to Tang & Cash. Some writers bullshit themselves about dreams of being a Tolkien. Listen mother fucker. You never will be.

An explaination to magic bullshit is always a side note to the main event action. If I have to explain shit at all I keep that shit short.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg.

Song of the day…In your eyes by Peter Gabriel

I’m a romantic bullshit fan. There you go…well an 80s romantic bullshit fan.

I’m in a bit a low energy and lower mood right now but this song I don’t know. I don’t even think of Say Anything when I hear this music.

I think of the beach. I think of times when things again were less complicated and the moments when I was with the people that mattered the most to me and in their eyes that were filled with joy or laughter in that moment I was happy.

My childhood. My twenties. Best times I went days just living and no cares or expectations about tomorrow I only wanted to write and be with my family.

The song feels like walking on the beach enjoying a laugh with a friend. Just moments. Moments were breathing was easy and sunny days were endless.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Cyberpunk morning 10…a call back to the first post

A young runner hoping to finish a simple run for a big pay off is in for a surprise….

Chapter 1

I pulled out my detapad and checked my rating on the runner board while I waited on the street corner of Marlin and 6th. I was 120th out a 500 active runners in the city. I had aways to go before I qualified for a solo license.

Damn. There was a five percent on the board if and when I got it done. I had one job offer pending my completion of Gino’s job. I looked at my ring and saw it was glowing fire red. Shit.

Fucking magic users. I slipped on my shielding necklace as five cycle ridders rolled up on me from down the street from my right. I remembered in time to speak that activation code over the shield. It was in a strange elf language but I had practiced the shit more like I was told so I knew the words by heart.

They were all Outlaws and big shit house men. A dude with a red Mohawk and ruby eyes glared at me. Gino’s girl was behind him naked.

“Where’s that weak ass King Gino at? My deal was with him not your kiddie ass.”

I held up the item. “The item for the female. That’s the deal.”

Mohawk rolled his eyes and carelessly threw a fire at me. The fire punched my chest and was absorbed by shield.

Mohawk froze and studied me closer. “Your not touched by the elements. What the fuck are you?”

Damn. This was not going to go down easy. Fuck it. I threw him the item. Mohawk reached for it as I drop kicked his ass in the face. He fell hard and started crying like a bitch.

That’s the thing about magic users. The more effortlessly talented they were in an element the more likely they couldn’t take a punch. I learned that from a fixer that sold me my shield.

I got on his bike as Mrs. Gino grabbed my waist and we took off. It took the other pussies longer to shake off the shock of their noble leader being defeated easily. By the time they gave chase we were well ahead into another district.

When it was safe I parked the ride at a corner and took out a pair of sweat pants and a shirt from my runner bag and passed them to her.

Mrs. Gino took them and quickly changed while I averted my gaze. When she was dressed she eyed me. “How old are you?” She asked already knowing though by the tone of her voice.

“I’m seventeen.” I said.

“Shit. Your a fucking kid. How the fuck did you not burn up from that fucking fire ball?”

I showed her my shield. “Elemental nullifier. I bought it from a fixer’s dealership.”

Mrs. Gino eyed me. “Are you shitting me? That charm shit is all bullshit. Let me see that shit.” She said grabbed my necklace. She studied it and the back and nodded. “It’s a cleric item. The shield symbol must be a high spirit of law and order. My family makes shit like this for clerics. Where the fuck did you get this shit from? Whoever sold it to you it right bullshited you but saved your green ass from burning.”

Holy shit. I felt my face burn with embarrassment. “I got it from a fixer named Owen Sigma. It wasn’t cheap either. Took me six months payments.”

Mrs. Gino stared at me in surprise. “Holy shit. Sigma sold you this shit? Shit son that asshole must have took a liking to you. I’m going to beat Gino for sending you instead of a seasoned champion.”

I shook my head. “I’m a runner. Not a champion.” I said.

Mrs. Gino snickered and got on the bike to the front. “Fucking shit son. You got a lot to learn still. Get on I’m driving.” I got on behind her and she took off.

She drove making turns down alley ways and street corners until she came to a underground garage and stopped and drove inside.

Gino and his band mates were waiting for us. Mrs. Gino got off the bike and ran at Gino and kissed him hugging his neck and started crying. What the fuck?

Eddie waved me aside to follow him outside. He had a guitar case with him and handed it to me. “You did good champion. I got your number in case I need you again. There’s a ride outside for you.” Eddie said and turned to leave.

“Eddie. Ah. What the fuck is a champion?”

Eddie looked back and shrugged. “Don’t worry about it kid. Your ride is the blue one. The keys are inside.”

Eddie left me hanging with a lot of questions. I sighed and walked out of the garage. Outside on the curb was a blue coupe 79 transporter. I looked around for any other ride but it was the only ride.

I opened the driver’s side and the keys were inside. I got the keys and unlocked the trunk. I put the guitar case inside and got around to the front and got in.

The on board computer linked with my detapad and I looked at the page for the runner message board to see my rank gone and replaced with one word Champion in blue letters. I had a job lined up already. 200 ebs for a termination of some asshole gangster.

Easy money. I turned the key, the engine started and then I took off.

This is going somewhere…

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Culture war theories:Western culture storytelling vs The Empire of Disney

Disney is a goble company with no ties or loyalties to The West only money to be made from western culture and pissing on the fables and legacy storytelling of The West.

Fuck. They can’t even tell a half assed Mullan story without shitting the bed with The East and The West.

Why though? They own the fables and stories of the West, right?! They own the rich creative properties of the past, right?!

How the fuck can you own the heroes journey or western culture storytelling?!

Still though, they own the art but have zero respect for the traditions and legacy or history of the art. How do I know this?

Is Ray of the Star Wars Disney movies a bad bitch? Is she sexy? Does Ray have a heroic story arc that is classic to western female characters of the 70s, 80s or 90s female characters in movies at least?

Ray? I think of her as a sex less nun at best or a big headed alien the universe is centered around.

Mullan, 2020. Is that movie on pair with Eastern female archetypes? Is it even using fantasy in a way that is indicative of asian females.

I made the state in passing that Star Wars is dead in a previous blog. Commercial wise yes but it was also a call to say it’s time to create the next legacy that is callback to Flash Gordon and heros journey or in my case Tango & Cash meets Highlander.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

An Ode to Tango & Cash

In a time of crime and assholes running drugs and ruling the streets two bad ass cops stood against these evil mother fuckers.

Tango & Cash.

From east side of town to the west they were giving assholes the business. Until the asshole drug Lords got a mind to instead of killing them they sent them to jail as a perfect means of killing em dead…

Holy shit. The set up, the jail break and the revenge quest…

It’s not all good on the weird shit story front but what are the rules in action movie…fuck the story the shit is fun and has action

It was the last nut buster of the 80s. The pacing my dude on the movie front is amazing. It never slows down or out lives it’s welcome it’s one scene to the next. This isn’t a review it’s a ode to shit kickers and check cashiers.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

Song of the day Weird Science by Oingo Boingo because 80s mother fucker

I didn’t even grow up in the 80s but the echoes of the shit poured over into the 90s so here you go.

Of course I saw the movie more then once. I have no idea which came first but I think of the movie and I hear the song.

Weird science movie review: Two gamma bitches make a hot Genie and of course they don’t fuck her. What chicka would fuck a gamma. She teaches them to be moderate level Mr. Deltas by beating the pussy out of them with magic bullshit and reality checks. They get some balls and get moderate level females on their level. The genie is a bad bitch though all the way through.

The song feels like well…weird science. A strange mixer of shit mixing together in a pot bubbling over in to some weird green mist in the air that smells of weed, cheetos, gunsmoke and hot chicka smoking a blunt.

It’s just some ass weird shit to listen to and yes I know song from beginning to end. Just like the movie.

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

An Ode to ROADHOUSE

May, he rest in shit kicking glory

Some men have two names this bad ass mother fucking legend had one name…

Dalton.

A wandering nomandic soul. His job was to establish order in the roadhouse club and move onto the next.

He found his way by invitation and name to a new job at a roadhouse that needed cleaning up. No ordinary job that he was soon to find out. He was hired to set the place in order and make it a legit business for hard drinking, shit kicking fun and shit kicking music.

Oh the music. It is as classic as the time it came out of.

The story?

I don’t give a fuck about the story and neither should you.

The movie is the essence of the shit kicking cowboy spirit my dude.

Oh the days,

These beta bitch simp days. My soul longs for the days of shit kicking pride days. Of walking tall days. Of I wish a mother fucker would days. Are these long gone?

Fuck that noise. I’m bringing the shit back with one shit kicking post at a time. If you doubt me…

Go fuck yourself. I’m a mother fucking American Highlander my dude. I vap conflict that tastes of cookies n cream and summer days. I cew on iron and spit out bullets.

Ya heard me?

Warm Regards

Guardiandogg

An Ode to the 80s the last true age of American style

I was born in the 80s but grew up in the throwback of the 90s. The music of the 80s engained in my mind and films burned into lenses of my memories.

I prefer aviators for Saturdays and Prince songs on rainy days.

I feel out of time occasionally. My body stays 16 my mind takes quantum leaps through time. My past is puzzling mixture to me. My speech.

Fuck. My speech game is a mixed bag of current timeline slangs, 80s rifts and a consent stream of mother fucking rhetorical land mines.

When I say I am a American Highlander it’s the truth of my mindset and physical conditioning.

I find my mind drifting again even as I write this blog post to the young man sitting in his room staring up at his model solar system and hearing the conversations that are on repeat for the last twenty years outside his window. Two old men stuck in time while the young man longs to escape from the trailor park. He finds his mind has only one escape. The starfighter arcade game at the corner store.

Damn. I sound like an old fuck but still I feel 16. I wonder about this some times.

Warm Regards,

Guardiandogg