There’s the movie scene I think of that perfectly Illustrates my thoughts at times and need to escape into my own mind.
The scene is from (The Vow )
The movie is about a female named Paige gets into a accident loses her memories of her husband named Leo and their marriage together.
The film deals with a lot about pain, loss, betrayal and the willingness to forgive and start over.
The scene I think of is Paige in a law school class on the path her parents wanted her on. Her head is down and she’s drawing in her notebook instead of being focused on the course. Her mind is on another course. It’s drifting away from the practical to something else. To that side of herself that can’t be ignored or put off forever.
The scene always puts a smile on my face. I know that feeling. Though I see no real funds in being a artist for me. So for me if I was in her position I would have graduated law school and then made an artist studio in my house.
I have a practical side of working a job for resources get shit done. But, I can never escape that drifting mind even in at work. My body can do the work just fine but I can never reach beyond it to take it for more then what it is. A means to an end.
My professional side is the same way. I do what I do to the best of my ability. I give 110% and some times I push it ten percent more. But, still my body feels the hours of the activity weigh on me and expectation for a break from the race comes when the break comes I’m ready to get back to doing the thing my drifting mind was entertaining half the time in my working hours.
I’m not unrealistic or lazy. At least I don’t believe so I could be wrong.
Some times I wish I wasn’t an artist. I expect working would be more appealing if I had natural Capitalist greed. I could work 60 hour weeks and buy expensive adult toys to ride in on the busy city streets.
Again I not being sarcastic. I wish some times that had a more modern materialistic side. But, I don’t.
I see a shining brand new Mustangs on the roads and I think of the poetry of mustangs running wild on busy Texas roads. Nothing new under the sun. Everything is on repeats.