An Ode to Commando 1980s classic

Beneath the cheese. Beneath the action and adventure. There is one true moral lesson in the movie.

I will go to war on your ass and burn your shit because you touched my kid.

The story begins with scenes of murders and one liner classics. Then, enter the hero in the fucking woods with a fucking tree on his shoulder and a saw in his other hand.

He’s doing man shit. In his fucking element. We side line into the cheese of life of a single stay at home dad.

His old boss comes to tell that their after his old team only to be the dumb ass that leads them to him.

Bad guys catch him and his daughter and make him promise to kill some dude in another country for reasons.

He says sure alright. Inside his head and ours it’s sure alright I’ll find you and kill you later in the movie.

Drama, car chases, plane ride and then suit up time.

The dude arrives on the island of assholes. Suits up and prepares to go to war on the assholes of asshole island.

Fuck yeah. Shooting. Fuck yeah. Killing killers. Fuck yeah. Explosion

Fuck yeah final battle against a psychopath in a knife fight.

Cut to the ending…hero is leaving with kid on arm. Dumbass boss shows up late after shit is finished and asks him of he’ll be available for another war in the near future…

The hero looks at the dumbass and says….no chance.

In my head he said. Fuck you, bitch.


Warm Regards



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