Listen, if life is easy for you and you were raised with wealth and got the hot ass shorty easily ignore my post your doing fine.
Life is conflict for me. There always is something standing in the way of what I want or some person or bullshit brain washing about who I am and what I’m supposed to be or like. I have to fight against the shit every day in the country of my birth.
Fuck, my own fucking thoughts and self doubts can be against me at times. I still have to fight on for one purpose.
Fuck the bullshit I got shit I got to get done.
That’s it. I got shit I got to get done. If you want to do something and your shit at it from the jump then you need to work at it until you reach a capable level or give the shit up because it wasn’t important enough to fight to be better at doing.
My one ambition sense I was twelve was to reach a level of mastery that the words I put to pen and paper or doc file and font size convey my seriousness to the craft of writing.
That spirit lives on in my life in other roads of conflict I travel on now. When something means to you how hard are you willing to fight to claim it, to keep it, to master it, to earn it and to hold it?
I ask myself though before I get into the ring of conflict and accept the possibility of failure and defeat and the bullshit aftermath of self doubt demons haunting me in my sleep and waking hours.
Do you give a damn?
If the answer is anything but challenge accepted then I know it ain’t worth the bullshit. I can walk away gladly because it’s one less conflict I can add to the series of battles I’m currently in. I can forgo the bullshit if it means nothing to me but if is the former then my feet are already leading me into the field of blood and battle. Win or lose I wouldn’t have any other way. Because I will fight until the bloody fucking end for someone or something that means everything to me.
I never grew from the few times in my life when everything was at peace. I grew when I got my first kick to the face. I grew when I had to go to the hospital and see my dying mother even when I didn’t want to. I grew in my years of isolation and days of despair as I had to push my mind out of the fog of darkness around my mind.
Conflict. It is the air I breath and water I swim.
I embrace that because I know what it’s like to try to run from it. You can’t avoid it if is on the other side of the door of conflict means everything to you.
You’ll know. When you give a damn.