As a general rule. I don’t watch American television. It’s to much bullshit for me. I’m going to and from work for a few weeks now and have noticed some adds on the side of public busses.
Walker on the CW.
My thoughts at first glance. Hmm. My bullshit meter is going off. I don’t give a shit though so I ignore the shit for a week and then I notice the word reboot on the add.
No. That can’t be.
For those not in the know. Back in the oldies of the 1990s. My grandmother and I like to watch a show called Walker Texas Ranger. Staring Chuck Norris. The show is a simple idea.
Chuck Norris shooting bad guys and kicking them in the face. They have some bullshit stories in between and sitcom drama but in general the formula is the same.
Now flashforward to the cybor punk depression era of today. I decide to find a trailer of Walker. I get a few seconds into it and my bullshit meter is at code red.
For some reason the dude from supernatural is playing Walker. Chuck mother fucking Norris. Okay. That’s five points taken. For some reason it feels like a supernatural feel to it. That’s ten points. For some reason Walker sounds and talks like a pussy.
I can just hear it in his voice. Chuck Norris. Excuse me. Chuck mother fucking Norris isn’t a pussy. He’s a shit kicker bad ass legend that shook Bruce Lee’s hand. He ain’t no pussy.
They’ve taken a story idea from one of the original episodes about Walker’s first wife and him simping about her and being a bitch with a bitch face about it.
Here’s the thing. I saw that episode. It might have been a two part story long. The dude that killed his wife lite a fucking fire in Walker and that changed him into a force of hardcore mother fucking texas justice. He blazed a war path on criminals asses in Texas that made him a mother fucking legend. When a criminal heard Walker is coming that meant surrender or die bitch.
Big dick energy my dude. A true Lone Star shit kicking mother fucking cowboy.
This shit has got to stop. I couldn’t finish the trailer. Five seconds in and no criminal ass was kicked? No one was shot in the dick? What the fuck is this shit?
Holy shit. It’s the CW so who the fuck is going to see this shit? Nobody. Thank God.
Jack pants shitting Dorsey!
I think CW is where manhood goes to fucking die a slow and painful death.